Guy Farmer - Life Coach Tips to Help You Shine

Moving to New Location

2010-03-14T12:19:00.000-07:00

Hi Everyone,

I'm consolidating my blogs at http://guyfarmer.com/blog. I'll be focusing more on training with an emphasis on building self-awareness and practicing positive behaviors. I look forward to seeing you over there.

Take care,

Guy

The Joys of Letting Go

2010-02-25T08:16:00.000-08:00

Have you ever kept doing something even though you know it doesn't work? Perhaps you keep enabling a negative behavior in yourself or someone else. This is natural because we tend to be most comfortable with what we know. Next time you find yourself hanging on to this negative thing try something new and let it go.

The act of consciously letting go and moving on helps us heal and think of new perspectives. People who let go of the monkey on their back suddenly find they can walk taller and more comfortably. We can take a breath and see our issues for what they really are; things that we can actually deal with. When we give negative behaviors less importance they have a way of going away.

Try it sometime. Everyone deserves to feel unburdened.

Take care,

Guy
Life Coaching

The Key to Achievement: You

2010-02-22T08:25:00.000-08:00

When I help people figure out what they want out of life a common theme arises time after time: that every movement in our lives starts with us. This seems like a basic concept but it can have profound implications. We can choose to move in a different direction at any time but we have to start. If you want to try out this concept try this:

1. Think of something you want to achieve in your life.
2. Think of one thing you can do today to achieve your goal.
3. Take action and do it.
4. Praise yourself for actions you complete.
5. Ask yourself, "What did I learn about myself?"
6. Repeat.

People just like you create amazing change in their lives by taking action. It's incredible how much control we have over our lives if we consciously do things to change it. All it takes is deciding that we are going to do something and then following through.

Take care,

Guy
Life Coaching

Increasing Clarity in Relationships

2010-02-19T08:21:00.000-08:00

People in relationships often move in different directions without even knowing it. Even some of the best intentioned people who really care for each other experience conflict and challenges because they are not on the same page.

I'm a big supporter of clarity in relationships. Clarity is when everyone involved understands what's going on in the relationship. It does away with assumptions, secrets, guesses, misunderstandings and frustration because we actually get to figure out what's going on.

How to gain clarity? Next time you encounter conflict in any relationship do the following to really understand what's going on:

1. Each person talks uninterrupted about how they see the situation?
2. Each person listens carefully without judging, rebutting or giving advice.
3. Each person asks open ended questions to clarify what is going on.
4. The people agree on a way to proceed.

Dialogue is very important to achieving clarity. Make sure to practice listening skills and asking questions. Open ended questions are questions that don't lead to a yes or no answer and allow the other person to meaningfully explain where they are coming from.

This is a style of talking about relationship issues that doesn't require confrontation; it's just about people listening to each other and sharing their points of view. Try it sometime to gain clarity on what's going on in your relationship.

Take care,

Guy
Life Coaching

How to Fix a Problem in Your Relationship

2010-02-17T08:23:00.000-08:00

Many couples reach challenging points in their relationship and don't know what to do about them. We repeat an endless cycle of getting hurt, hurting back and perpetuating the hurt through our actions. This often happens even in dating situations and marriages where both people are kind, intelligent and caring. So what is it that causes this conflict and what can we do about it. Following are some causes of conflict:

Neither person understands the other person's point of view.
There is not a meeting of the minds on issues.
Neither side backs down.
Each side tries to win.
Neither side has the skills or knowledge to fix the problem.
The people involved are hurt, angry, frustrated or sad.

The good news is that you can help your situation by thinking about new ways of doing things. The key point is to start a process where nobody wins and both of you collaborate to find a solution that works for both of you. Think of some of the following ideas and begin connecting with your spouse in ways that will benefit both of you.

Both agree to talk.
Set up an interruption-free time to talk.
Agree on one thing to talk about.
Brainstorm possible ideas to fix the problem.
Evaluate each option.
Agree together on the resolution that works best for both of you.
Work together to take action on the resolution.
Move to the next problem.
Think about getting a neutral person involved to mediate.

I also encourage my clients to do away with the word "problem" and look at the challenges in life as opportunities for movement in a more positive direction. Looking at challenging situations in a positive light gives you the opportunity to actually fix things rather than repeating the same patterns.

So the next time you are in the middle of a fight, redirect your thoughts to the possiblity that both of you can work together and purposefully resolve the matter.

Have a great problem-solving day,

Guy
Life Coaching

How to Attract Great Relationships

2010-02-15T19:22:00.000-08:00

People often ask me why they keep dating the wrong people. The answer that they most often come up with after some self-exploration is that they are looking for people based on mistaken assumptions.

Most of us look for people that create a spark, that excite us into wanting to get to know them better. This method creates an initial euphoria that blinds us to understanding clearly what we want from relationships. We become so intoxicated with romance that we are unable to make rational decisions.

What I try to help people with is building self-awareness. When we understand who we are and what we love and need we tend to make better choices regarding relationships. If we don't know ourselves very well or don't like ourselves we tend to attract people that reinforce that. When we understand ourselves better and are healthier we tend to attract more positive people.

There really is no magic to this process. What's been shown to work time after time is that people who are healthy attract other healthy people. All it takes is some work first on getting ourselves as healthy mentally and physically as possible. Then we attract people who admire us for the wonderful, healthy people we are.

Take care,

Guy
Life Coaching

How to Resolve Conflicts

2010-02-08T09:31:00.000-08:00

People often ask me how to resolve conflicts. Many people think that letting conflict build up, followed by an explosion, followed by another build-up period is the natural cycle of conflict. The only difficulty with this approach is that the conflict continues and doesn't get resolved. The only real solution is to fix the conflict by taking action. Follow the following steps to begin working on resolving rather than perpetuating conflict.

1. Each person identifies what the they think the conflict is.
2. Both people agree together on one definition of the conflict to begin resolving.
3. Each person comes up with two or three possible solutions.
4. Both people agree together on which solution to implement.
5. If the parties can't work together find a mediator.

Resolving conflict is about working with the other person to actually fix the situation. The act of doing all the previous steps (always in order) allows us the chance to work with the other person rather than against them. Make sure you start at the first step and do not progress to the next if you haven't finished the previous step. We are conditioned to rush to solutions but frequently forget that it the working through the issue that gets us the most permanent and satisfactory results.

Have a conflict-fixing day,

Guy
Conflict Resolution

Are You Living a Creative Life?

2010-02-03T11:12:00.000-08:00

Creativity is one of the most effective ways to overcome any challenges in our lives. Moving in a different direction is often a matter of thinking creatively and doing something differently. Here's what some smart people say about creativity:

Albert Einstein:

The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift.

Arthur Koestler:

Creativity is a type of learning process where the teacher and pupil are located in the same individual.

Beatrix Potter:

Thank goodness I was never sent to school; it would have rubbed off some of the originality.

Have a creative day,

Guy
Life Coaching

Making Your Life Count

2010-01-28T16:24:00.000-08:00

Abraham Lincoln once said, "And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years."

Life is what we make of it and I always strive to help people recognize what it is they want to do with their lives. In relationships we often settle for situations that repeat patterns established by our parents or approaches we learned from our friends.

I suggest to people. "Why not try something different if what you are doing is not working?" The reason I ask that question is that we often invest huge amounts of time and energy in situations that don't make us feel great rather than doing some work to move in a different direction.

I've had many people tell me the meaning of life is finding one's own balance point and living a life of fulfillment and peace. Successful people understand this concept because they are always striving to do the work necessary to work toward peace and balance.

Take care,

Guy
Life Coaching

What do You Want to Do with Your Life?

2010-01-24T19:09:00.000-08:00

Many of us are searching for what we want to do with our lives. I frequently recommend to my clients that they do things that bring them joy and that really speak to who they are as a person. A quick checklist you can use to figure out if you are doing what you love could include:

What do I love doing more than anything? Am I doing it?
What am I doing to pursue my dreams?
Am I settling for a life that does not include my dreams?
What am I afraid of?
What can I do today to move toward my dreams?

Moving one's life in the direction we want it to go in requires conscious thought. The good news is that anyone can do concrete things to move in any direction they want. Start today and you could be on your way to doing the things you've dreamed of.

Have a purpose filled day,

Guy
Life Coaching

Tips to Improve Your Listening Skills

2010-01-21T10:32:00.000-08:00

Most of us say that we're good listeners. Let me give you some ideas of what good listeners do so you can see how you're doing. Good listeners do many of the following things:

1. Don't talk.
2. Nod and prompt the other person to say more.
3. Ask open ended questions that don't have yes or no answers.
4. Lean forward and look interested.
5. Don't talk.

How many of these do you do? Really listening means listening for meaning. We all understand words but do we really understand what the other person is feeling. Pay attention to what the other person looks like when they talk. Do they look upset, do they look confused? Ask questions that help the other person talk more.

If you try some of these you might find you learn a lot about the other person. I also encourage people I coach to try conversations where they don't talk at all and just nod. It's amazing what we can learn when we don't talk.

Take care,

Guy
Effective Communication

Reacting to Everything

2010-01-15T07:51:00.000-08:00

Many people spend their lives reacting to perceived slights and conflicts. They have learned somewhere that the way you deal with anything is to jump into reactive mode and get mad at people. You've probably met someone like this: They see someone across the room and immediately assume that that person is talking about them, so they jump into a rage, get sad or shut down.

Reacting based on assumptions or our inner dialogue is one of the major behaviors that keeps people from connecting with one another. If we spend our time assuming that someone is trying to hurt us we live a very specific kind of life that is based on ongoing hurt and conflict. People live this way for a variety of reasons but mainly because they learned it at a young age and don't know any other way of doing things. The good news is that you get to choose what kind of life you live starting right now. Here are some tips so that you can move from reactive to calm.

1. Assume people aren't talking about you.
2. Assume that people aren't trying to hurt you.
3. Live a life that helps you bring joy to others.
4. Seek professional help to work through why you react to others.
5. Learn to identify the feelings that come up inside you and calm them down.
6. Try not to pre-judge people's motivations.
7. Have an alternate plan for how you will react positively.
8. Listen to people until they are finished talking; then act.
9. Practice patience.
10. Focus first on making yourself a better person and growing.

There's nothing wrong with experiencing emotions unless they limit our ability to interact positively with others. Try working on the steps we've mentioned and you'll be on your way to seeing the world in a different light.

Take care,

Guy
Life Coaching

How to Deal with Codependence

2010-01-15T07:31:00.000-08:00

Codepence is a buzzword that we use for all kinds of relationship issues but people sometimes don't realize it's impact on relationships. Codependence takes its toll on relationships because we behave in ways that focus more on others than ourselves. A wife may live through trying to control her husband or children, a boyfriend can't rest when his girlfriend is not with him because he can't control her.

Codependence can be loosely defined as behaviors that come about because we have to or choose to ignore ourselves and, instead, focus our energy on someone else. Codependence can come about from a basic need to control, a lack of self-awareness, insecurity, or traumatic situations in a family but the common denominator is that it robs us of our ability to control our own lives.

The good news is that we can redirect our energy and pay far less attention to other people and much more to ourselves. Clearly defining who we are and what we want helps us to break away from living through others. Think about it: the mom who says, "I live to make cookies for my kids," is not living for herself but rather needs constant reinforcement from the outside to make her feel valued.

We can feel better about ourselves and stop living through others by doing things that make us feel positive about ourselves. Next time you feel obsessed by what someone else is doing try to realize that you can't control someone else and your happiness doesn't depend on them. Try doing something positive that builds you up and increases what you know about yourself. Once you learn how to take care of yourself you can reach out in ways that build healthy, two-way relationships, not codependent ones.

Take care,

Guy
Life Coaching

Can Things Make You Happy?

2010-01-09T10:38:00.000-08:00

I frequently coach people who genuinely believe that buying things will make them happy. Time after time they realize that buying stuff really doesn't affect their long term happiness. Sure, there is a buzz that comes from buying something you like but it doesn't resolve the underlying things that are vital to fulfillment. This doesn't mean that you can't be happy buying things, it just requires that you put some thought into why you buy stuff. If you buy objects with the hopes of feeling better about yourself, I have some basic questions you can ask yourself to help you focus on what's really going on.

1. Do I really need this object?
2. How am I focusing on fixing the deeper issues in my life?
3. Do I feel less whole when I can't shop?
4. In what ways does buying things affect my emotions?
5. Does shopping help me postpone feeling emotions?
6. Do I hide the fact that I buy stuff from others?
7. Do I have to buy other stuff to keep the buzz going?
8. In what other areas of my life could I devote more energy and thought?
9. Could my money be used for long-term success?
10. How am I defined by my things?

The answers to these questions will help you get some perspective on how your buying habits affect your life. There's nothing wrong or horrible with buying nice things unless it prevents you from looking at the deeper stuff in life.

Take care,

Guy
Life Coach

Self Esteem Building with a Life Coach

2010-01-05T12:25:00.000-08:00

A coach can help you build your self esteem by helping you connect with who you really are and discover your strengths and talents. We are all born with an amazing range of skills and interests. I always recommend that people connect with what they really want to do.

If you love art, pursue art.
If you love business, start a business.
If you love sports, play sports.

For any dream you have there is a practical way you can get started. If you love writing you can do any number of things today to start following your dream. The only thing stopping you is you.

A life coach can help you get unstuck and tap into the wonderful talents you possess. I work with people just like you so that you can figure out what you want out of life and develop a plan to achieve it.

A life coach is a person who believes in you, listens to you and supports your dreams and ambitions. I love helping people live the lives they want and experience possibilities. I can't think of anything more rewarding that watching someone experience the joy that comes from living the life they want to live.

Keep reaching for your dreams,

Guy
Life Coaching

Dating Tips and Self Awareness

2009-12-16T16:17:00.000-08:00

Self Awareness and Dating

I’ve noticed that when people ask me for relationship advice a recurring questions is, “Why can’t I find anyone.” There are many ways people arrive at this conclusion. I’ll list them and put a self-awareness twist on each. In this way you can move in a different direction and find out how much power you really have to affect your dating life.

1. I keep going out with bad boys/girls. Different direction: I get myself healthy enough to recognize that it’s OK to treat myself well and go out with positive people.

2. I feel lonely. Different direction: I actively work on things that resolve why I am lonely and emphasize learning about myself before dating.

3. Where can I meet people? Different direction: When you get yourself healthy and do the things you love you move in circles where you attract people who are like you.

4. All men/women are terrible. Different direction: There are a lot of great people out there we just need to learn to accept them into our lives and be healthy enough to encourage good people to go out with us.

Hope these ideas help navigate the dating waters. Dating is ultimately what you make it; you have a lot of control over where it goes.

Have a great dating day,

Guy
Life Coaching

Be Kind to Yourself

2009-12-12T11:25:00.000-08:00

People are frequently quite hard on themselves and are constantly concerned about how well they are doing things. I help people learn how to be kind with themselves. Try these ideas today to be kind with yourself.

1. Praise yourself for something you did today.
2. Do something positive that you enjoy.
3. Repeat every day.

Getting in the habit of doing these simple things can feel different at first but, over time, it leads to us doing things that make us feel good. It's great when we can rely on ourselves rather than others to make us feel good.

Next time you feel completely stressed out and about to explode, take a moment and try these steps instead of being hard on yourself. We are all amazing creatures that need caring and affection and who better to start that process than ourselves?

Take care,

Guy
Life Coaching

Conflict: It's About You

2009-12-12T08:46:00.000-08:00

I recently facilitated a workshop on conflict resolution and I found it fascinating that almost everyone thought conflict was about the other person. I heard many comments about how the other person would be so much easier to get along with if they only did this or that but very little about what each participant would do himself or herself to improve the situation.

Conflict can be a horrible mess or it can be an opportunity for growth and increased understanding. The challenge for many people is that it requires putting our own issues to the side in order to connect with someone else. Try thinking of the following ideas the next time you feel a conflict coming on.

1. Be aware of your personal triggers. What sets you off?

2. Remember that you decide how you react to situations.

3. Only you can let someone make you mad.

4. Understand it’s not personal, people aren't trying to slight you in general.

5. Learn to recognize exactly when someone is getting to you.

5. Where do you feel it? Identify where you feel the conflict in your body.

6. Do something different to interrupt the pattern.

If you deliberately give some thought to these areas you will find that you can reduce the way conflict affects you and move toward more positive interactions. It takes some discipline but it also affords you a way to not let conflict consume your life.

Take care,

Guy
Life Coaching

Dating Tips 101

2009-11-11T11:15:00.000-08:00

One proven way to find dates is to work on yourself first and do the things you love.

When you work on yourself and do things you love you begin moving your life in a direction where you move amongst people who have interests like yours. Find what it is that really makes you happy and move in those circles. In that way, you increase your chances of meeting someone who actually shares your interests and philosophy.

Get yourself as healthy as possible and you will attract the same. The better you feel about yourself the more it wards off the people who love misery. You attract what you project.

A final thought. I realize we are in an online environment here but there is a lot to be said for giving up the safety and fantasy of sitting at a computer for the greater challenge of meeting people face to face. Get out there and show people who you are in person, you deserve a healthy, rewarding relationship.

Take care,

Guy
Life Coaching

You're Worth It

2009-11-08T18:21:00.000-08:00

Have you ever met someone who seems to have strong self-esteem but chains themselves to someone else or always sabotages their actions. We all do things that keep us from succeeding and we do so at an unconscious level. The messages we learned early in life keep holding us back and telling us that we can't achieve what we want in life. The good news is that we can change those messages by following some basic steps.

1. Identify the message. Ask yourself, "Where did this message begin."
2. Ask yourself if the message is true. For example, do you really not deserve to succeed?
3. Think of the opposite of the message and do that instead. Make it a positive message that gets you where you want to go.
4. Every time a negative, limiting message comes into your head do these steps until it is gone.

It will take you some time to get good at changing your messages but you will do it if you stick with it over time. Plan on spending at least 30 days practicing the new behavior and then check in with yourself to see how you're doing. You may be very happy with the results. If you're not, it looks like you have another message to work on.

Take care,

Guy
Life Coaching

Interrupting Negative Relationship Patterns

2009-10-21T20:40:00.000-07:00

Many of us learn how to function in relationships from what we saw our parents do or learned from our friends. The patterns we learn are often hard to move away from even when they are consistently negative or don't make us feel better as people.

Why is it then that people seem to stay stuck in non-productive relationships rather than working on finding new and more rewarding ways of doing things? In my experience it is due to our comfort in the familiar and fear of the unknown. As strange as it sounds when viewed objectively, we often stay with what we know because we think it is more comfortable.

The great thing is that we can often experience far greater joy and reward in doing something new. Learning new behaviors that lead us in positive directions can result in resolving chronic relationship problems, finding new and positive relationships and treating ourselves better.

Try this sometime: Examine your existing relationship and decide on one thing that could change to improve the relationship. Work on that one thing consistently over time. Seek outside help if you need an objective point of view. Once you start establishing a new pattern things will begin moving in a different direction.

People often tell me they never knew their relationships were so stuck until they introduced new behaviors. They are often surprised at how good things can get and frequently tell me that they are glad they consciously worked on breaking the patterns they had established in their relationships and trying new ones.

Take care,

Guy
Life Coaching

What Is a Life Coach?

2009-10-08T21:21:00.000-07:00

People sometimes ask me, "What on earth is a life coach?" There are many answers but I answer that I help people achieve their dreams and I listen to their hopes. Coaching is the process of working with a qualified person to help you develop a plan that works for you. You get to make the decisions.

If you want to find out what you really want out of life, a life coach can help you formulate a plan for success. A life coach helps you clarify your strengths and areas for improvement and supports you as you move toward success. I help you identify what is going on in your life, what your dreams are and where you want to go. A coach partners with you and helps you build in accountability for your plan for the future. Life coaching gives you the ability to transform your life and choose your destiny. There is no magic to coaching because it is a common sense process that helps you focus in ways you may not have thought about before.

I enjoy working with people like you who are motivated to transform their lives. It is a privilege to watch people grow and discover their strengths and talents. Coaching helps people identify the patterns of behavior that block the path to their dreams. I use my experience to help you see things in a different way and gives you a neutral outside perspective. A coach can help you identify the behaviors that got you where you are and works with you to achieve success as you define it.

Think of a life coach as someone who will be in your side, who helps you build on your strengths, and who believes in the potential you have inside.

Please feel free to contact me if you have any other questions about how coaching can help you.

Take care,

Guy
I help people achieve their dreams.

A Different Perspective to Improve Relationships

2009-09-27T07:51:00.000-07:00

It's easy to focus exclusively on our own perspective in relationships. We tend to think of our relationship issues in terms we are familiar with and this often means we keep repeating the same patterns and acting the same way we always have. This works well if we get great results but what happens if our behaviors always lead to less than satisfactory relationships.

We all know people who can never quite resolve differences with someone else and we watch them repeat the same pattern over and over. I've noticed that it is helpful to let in some new information and get a fresh perspective. When we let new information in it's like opening a window in a stuffy room, we can breathe better and think more clearly. Think about some of the following ideas next time you feel stuck in your relationship.

1. Who can I turn to that is not involved in my situation and can give me impartial advice?
2. Am I willing to let an outside person offer me advice?
3. How open am I to talking about personal issues with an outside person?
4. How open am I to doing the work necessary to move in a different direction?
5. What actions will I commit to doing?

Think about these questions and keep in mind that none of us has all the answers but we all have the ability to acquire new information if we are open enough. Let some air in, enjoy a fresh perspective and start moving in a new direction.

Take care,

Guy
I help you focus your perspective.

Increase Your Self-Esteem

2009-09-14T09:22:00.000-07:00

People frequently ask me how they can boost their self-esteem, especially when they're feeling down. Building ourselves up is a lifelong and continuing process. There are no set rules on how we should feel on any given day but there are some things that can help us boost how we feel about ourselves. The great thing about self-esteem is that you can increase it at any time. All it takes is some conscious action. Here are some ideas to help you get started.

Do things you love doing.
Celebrate your successes.
Focus on positive things.
Associate with people that support you.
Listen to your inner voice.
Keep moving forward even when it seems difficult.
Take small steps but always keep stepping.
Develop goals you are working toward.
Do nice things for yourself that don't cost money.
Look in the mirror and say positive things to yourself.

Building self esteem is a process of continuing to support and celebrate ourselves. It doesn't come all at once or even stay constant but we can make sure it is strong by staying active and continuing to move forward. There will always be negative things that come along but if you work on increasing your self-esteem, you will find that you can weather any storm.

Take care,

Guy
I help people increase their self-esteem.

Tap into Your Creativity

2009-08-09T12:34:00.000-07:00

People think that they have to be artists in order to be creative but anyone can use this skill to create success in their lives. Being creative simply means creating something where there wasn't something before. It helps us tap into doing the things we love and exploring new avenues. Creativity can help us get out of a rut and discover new and exciting pursuits. Think of the following ideas when you are ready to get creative.

1. What do you love doing?
2. What can you create right this moment?
3. How could creating that thing improve your life?
4. How will you feel after you create this thing?
5. What will you do to continue being creative?

You will notice that these questions are designed to help you think about your creativity. Remember that there are no right or wrong answers or good or bad approaches. You get to decide what you want to work on and where you want to go. Take it easy on yourself: start with small steps and gradually work on bigger projects. The act of tapping into your creativity regularly will help you come up with ideas that could change your life.

Take care,

Guy
I help people tap into their creativity.

Building Confidence

2009-08-06T17:19:00.000-07:00

People often ask me how to increase their confidence. It's been my experience that people build their confidence by doing things they enjoy and experiencing both success and failure. The common denominator is that confident people tend to be those who confront the challenges in their lives and learn from the outcomes. Eleanor Roosevelt said,

"You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do."

It is the action of doing things purposefully toward some goal that will help you become a confident person. We all have an incredible ability to take on any challenge in our lives.

Try taking on a challenge today and keep doing it until you are an expert. Put one foot in front of the other and keep walking. Then take on another challenge and keep going. In time you'll wonder why you ever lacked confidence at all.

Take care,

Guy
I help people build their confidence.

Don't Wait Until It's Too Late - Do It Now

2009-07-29T11:16:00.000-07:00

We spend so much time thinking about the things we could have done that we forget the power we have to change things in the present. It's easy to get stuck in a mode where we replay past events or make up future possiblities but that never seems to affect the present.

Spending more time consciously working on the present is the only way to change our destiny. If you start today by telling yourself that you will work on something occurring in the present you will suddenly have command of your destiny and power to change whatever you want.

Try doing that today; find something that you keep hoping would happen in the past or future and re-focus it in the present. Ask yourself what you can do right now to affect something in your life right now. Doing stuff in the present helps us take our minds off all the things we have no control of and focuses our energy on the things we can change.

Take care,

Guy
I help people take action.

The Law of Attraction

2009-07-11T10:48:00.000-07:00

You hold within you the ability to move your life in any direction you choose. The way you behave each day predicts the results you will get in life. It's a straightforward formula that puts you in charge. You get to decide whether you succeed or whether you stagnate.

You've probably heard of The Secret, a popular book that talks about attracting what you want in life by what you put out. This ability to be a magnet for things you want in life is called the Law of Attraction. Here are some basic things you can do to start attracting great things.

1. Focus on the thing you want to happen, this is your goal.
2. Determine three actions you can take to achieve that specific goal.
3. Pick one action and start following through on it today.
4. When you've achieved one goal, move on to the next.
5. Take time to celebrate yourself and your accomplishment.

The purposeful act of following through and taking action trains your mind to take on challenges. When you achieve a goal it gives you strength and courage to keep moving forward in life. You begin to see the power you have over your circumstances.

I help people transform their lives every day and each one of them starts with a desire to accomplish something that is important to them. The key to success is going from the thinking phase to the doing part. Try working through the five steps we've outlined and keep doing it until you succeed. Along the way you will be practicing the skills necessary to attract great abundance in the world.

Have a successful day,

Guy
I help people attract success.

Dream Big

2009-06-07T09:07:00.000-07:00

If you've ever wanted to achieve something you've probably noticed that you get the results that you work on. If you have a small goal you tend to work toward that, if you have a larger vision you tend to move toward it.

A great way to accomplish almost anything is to start with a dream, a specific thing you would like to see happen or that excites you. The dream will guide all the actions to follow. Think about the following questions as you pursue your dream.

1. What would I love to do, what is my dream?

2. What are the reasons this dream is important to me?

3. What small action can I take today to make my dream come true?

If you dream big you are constantly moving toward expansive and exciting horizons. It doesn't mean that all you do are grand, sweeping thing, it just requires that you work toward something that really helps you stretch and grow as a person.

Regards,

Guy

I help people dream big.

Empathy Helps Build Better Relationships

2009-06-01T17:31:00.000-07:00

It's easy to become so focused on our own experience that we forget that other people exist. In relationships, walking in someone else's shoes is a great approach to really understanding other people and helps us build empathy for others. Empathy is the ability to understand someone else's experience and point of view.

People often ask me why it is that someone does such and such or this and that. I suggest that we can figure out what people are going through and understand them much better if we just put ourselves in their situation. In this way, we can learn about them without projecting our own needs and opinions on them. Try a few of the following things to increase your empathic ability:

1. Listen actively without talking.
2. Put yourself in that person's situation and imagine you are going through the same thing.
3. Ask questions that allow the person to tell you more about themselves instead of yes and no questions.
4. Keep in mind that what you are hearing isn't about you; it's about them.
5. Try to accept anything the person says as simply their reality rather than something you have to react to.

Try these a few times over a period of time. Empathy is about really understanding that there are other valid points of view in the world. Those perspectives may not be ours but they mean as much to that person as our worldview does to us. Once you can connect with someone else's reality, you're own your way to really understanding other people and showing them that you respect where they are coming from.

Take care,

Guy
I help people enjoy great relationships.

If You Only Had One Week to Live

2009-05-27T08:43:00.000-07:00

Perspective frequently makes the difference in the choices we make in life. If we feel a sense of urgency we are more likely to try to accomplish a task. People motivate themselves in different ways but a key characteristic of those who create movement is a sense that they have to get it done.

As you may have heard, we only have one life to live so we might as well make the most of it. Why then is it that people spend incredible amounts of time and effort on everything but what is truly meaningful to them. It's almost as if someone told us along the way that we couldn't accomplish what we wanted in life. So we settle for what comes our way, focusing on subsistence rather than growth. A positive way to begin redirecting your thoughts is to ask yourself, "If I only had one week to live, what would I want to do?"

Life is a precious and finite gift. Why would anyone choose to live it without doing something they really love? Think about your own situation and think about what you really want to do in life. Then put some thought into what you can actually do to incorporate your dream into your everyday life. As you begin working on your dream you will find that you begin feeling happier and more balanced because you are connecting with who you really are. Life is just funner when you're doing stuff you like.

Build in some urgency starting today. What would you do if you only had a week to live? Now start making it happen.

Take care,

Guy
Life Coaching

Finding Inspiration in Life

2009-05-22T12:32:00.000-07:00

People have told me over the years that they feel most inspired when they are doing the things that really move them in their hearts. Have you ever had the experience of doing something you really love and suddenly hours have passed and you didn't even realize it? This is what being inspired is about.

Being inspired is living the life we are supposed to. If you love to dance, dance. If you love sports, play sports. If you love writing, write. It's all about finding that thing that calls to you and incorporating it into your life. It doesn't matter if you don't become famous, it just matters that you are doing that which you love.

When you live a life that includes the things that really inspire you, you begin a fascinating process where your life moves in the direction of your inspiration. People start to recognize you for who you are and your gift touches them because they can tell it means something to you.

Try devoting some time in your life to your inspiration. You'll feel more grounded and balanced when you pursue what you love.

Take care,

Guy
I help inspire people.

Nothing Happens without Action

2009-05-19T23:41:00.000-07:00

Have you ever met someone with big dreams but who never does anything about them? Frequently, the only thing that separates those who succeed from those who stay stuck is the ability to take action. It sounds obvious but action is a key element in helping us move forward in life. Many individuals remain in the planning or idea phases of life, living with vague hopes that someday they will achieve something.

I'll let you in on a secret. The people who succeed move their ideas from abstract to concrete by taking action. How does one do it? Here's another amazing secret. You actually have to do stuff to succeed. The great thing is that you can begin this process at any time. Taking action feels great and it yields positive results because we are actually taking charge of our lives.

Think about the difference between the person who dreams all day and the one who dreams but also does something to make them come true. Here are a couple ideas that will help you move toward action.

1. Think about something you would love to achieve.
2. Come up with five ideas that might help you start working on it.
3. Pick the idea that makes the most sense to you.
4. Take action and do it. Set a short-term date by when you will finish it.

Nothing happens without you taking action. What will you take action on today?

Take care,

Guy
Life Coach

What is Your Dream Life?

2009-04-25T11:54:00.000-07:00

Our dreams are a reflection of who we really are. I'm not talking about the dreams where you are riding a horse through the shopping mall, these are the dreams about what you really want to do with your life. These dreams come from a genuine place inside you and reflect your true self. Perhaps they link you to when you were a child and wished you would be an actor or when you graduated from high school and anticipated being a great mathematician.

Then life gets in the way but it doesn't have to be that way. You can literally tap into your dreams at any time and give them the prominent place in your life that they deserve. Ask yourself the following questions as you connect with what you really want to do with your life.

1. If money or subsistence were of no concern, what would I do with my life above all else?

2. What am I really good at that brings me joy and I could do forever?

3. What career path would bring me true joy in life?

4. What can I do for hours without thinking about time?

The answers to these questions will help you start steering your life toward what you really want to do. You call the shots and get to decide in what direction you move. You choose whether you follow the path toward your dreams or follow an alternate course. I wish you great success in your journey.

Regards,

Guy
Achieve Your Dreams

You Already Have the Answers in You

2009-03-22T13:14:00.000-07:00

Deep inside you live the answers to the questions you have about life. Many people spend their entire lives ignoring these inner thoughts but those who listen to them benefit from following a life of great fulfillment. The reason that we have the answers inside of us is that we are born with certain hopes, dreams and talents that are unique to each of us. Nobody else in the world has these talents and only we can provide the subtle variation and specialization of these particular gifts. On the other end are people who are ready to connect with us and use our talents because it makes sense to them.

When you look within you for the answer to life’s questions you begin to connect with who you really are and you live a life of less effort and strain. Following the voice inside you allows you to live comfortably because you are following the path that makes sense to you. The next time you are looking for answers from someone else consider the following questions:

What does my inner voice say I should do?

Does this answer reflect who I really am inside?

Am I blocking the true answer in any way?

What small step can I take today to follow up on this answer?

Learn to trust your inner voice and you begin the process of validating yourself. We each have the answers to what we need in life inside us. It is our choice whether we listen.

Regards,

Guy
Life Coaching

The Difference Between Talking and Listening

2009-02-25T11:50:00.000-08:00

A lot of people have been conditioned to believe that they need to talk a lot. We've all met the person who seems to be in love with the sound of their voice and rarely lets people into the conversation. What we sometimes forget is that communication is over 90% non-verbal which means that talking is just a small part of what we're supposed to be doing.

Yet millions of people wake up every day ready to tell the world something rather than learning something from the world. We spend our time trying to tell our story rather than gaining more insight into others' experiences. Think about your own style: Do you talk more or do you listen more? What would happen if you shifted your style just slightly. Highly effective people understand that getting their point across is often as much about understanding someone else's point of view as it is putting one's own opinion into the mix.

Here are some tips to help you add to your communication skills:

1. Try to listen more than you talk.
2. Ask open-ended questions.
3. Try not to think of the next thing you're going to say.
4. Try not to think of the perfect rebuttal.
5. Stay away from questions that lead the conversation in a certain direction.
6. Let people say what they want and give them the space to do so.
7. Listen.
8. Did I mention listening?

The key skill we ignore in life is listening. It's incredible what we learn when we take the time to really listen to someone. Suddenly we understand people better and can make decisions based on rich information. We avoid misunderstandings and we connect with people on a deeper level.

Perhaps the most powerful proof that listening helps improve our lives is that it allows us to breathe. We don't have to fill up space, we don't have to think of witty things to say and we get to learn all kinds of interesting things about others and relax more.

Have a great listening day,

Guy
I help people enjoy great relationships.

Trusting Your Inner Voice

2009-01-09T23:12:00.000-08:00

Nothing is a beautiful as the voice inside you. Pay attention to it and you can live a life of great success and happiness. Ignore it and you will move in any direction.

Over the years, my clients have shown me how important it is to find your inner voice. Your inner voice is that part of you that tells you what you need to be doing in life. Many of us do everything possible to silence that voice.

It may sound simplistic but finding your voice is the first step in figuring out what you want to do with the rest of your life. You may already be listening to it but, for those of you who have yet to discover it, try asking yourself the following questions:

1. If I could choose any career in life what would it be?
2. What is the talent I possess that I could use to bring joy into my life?
3. What message(s) is my inner voice sending me?
4. How would my life be different if I listened to my inner voice?
5. What will I commit to doing today to achieve what my inner voice tells me to?

When you answer these questions you begin thinking about what it is that you could be doing right now to bring incredible happiness into your life. Imagine what your life would look like if their were no barriers, no negative thoughts, no compromises and where you celebrated your talents every day. What would your life look like if you achieved your true hopes and dreams?

Best wishes finding your voice,

Guy
I help people find their inner voice.

Think It and You Can Do It

2008-12-18T09:27:00.001-08:00

It's amazing what happens when we think in certain ways. If we focus only on negative thoughts and what we can't do our life tends to follow a predictable pattern. It can move very differently if we think in brand new ways. One of the biggest challenges for people is to think in terms of success but it isn't difficult to get started. Try the following steps to help you achieve what is meaningful to you.

1. Think of a goal you would like to achieve.

2. Think of the reasons why you can't achieve that goal.

3. Think of dumping those negative reasons in a trash can.

4. Develop new, positive, ways you can achieve the goal.

5. Picture what your life would look like if you pursued these positive paths.

6. Start working on your goal.

You will find that your thoughts are a powerful predictor for how you will do in life. We get results based on what we think we can achieve. Try this exercise each time you feel like you can't do something and begin moving in new and exciting directions.

Take care,

Guy
I help people succeed positively.

Are You Balanced?

2008-07-03T13:07:00.000-07:00

I was talking to a very accomplished person today who felt overwhelmed by everything going on in his life. Upon examination he realized that he had been juggling a great deal of different things and hadn't taken time to think about the things that gave him balance.

We become so engrossed in living life at a rapid pace that we forget that we can enjoy things better if we pause occasionally to relax, recharge and reflect. Take some time in your day to not do anything. Look at a sunset, sit by a stream, go walking in the city with no particular goal. Life becomes more enjoyable when we take time to regain our balance.

Balance helps us maintain a generally positive course. It is the middle road we take that grounds us. We will always have highs and lows but, if we nurture the middle, we will always have it to seek refuge in.

Take care,

Guy
I help people find balance.

Where Happiness Begins

2008-05-31T08:37:00.000-07:00

My clients frequently ask me how to find happiness. Over the years I've noticed that a common characteristic of people who are happy is self-awareness.

Self-awareness is a deep understanding of who we are. It literally impacts how we treat ourselves and others and what kind of life we live. Let me give you a real world example to illustrate what I'm talking about.

Person A says he is a happy go lucky person that always is having a great time. He has a lot of friends and says he's confident and an optimist. He lives a life that looks great to everyone on the outside but, when he has to think about it, Person A is deeply unhappy. He has unresolved issues in his life that are so difficult that he refuses to look at them. So person A appears happy on the outside but inside he is constantly struggling to ignore and cast aside the demons he carries. This type of person is not living a life of self-awareness because he won't even begin the process of understanding who he is in order to move forward. He chooses instead to live a live of superficial happiness based on appearances.

Person B, on the other hand, also has issues that hurt him deeply and made him unhappy. He also appears happy to the outside world but his happiness comes from a very different place. Person B decided years ago to look at the things that brought him pain. He worked very hard to acknowledge his past and create a plan to move beyond the hurt. When person B is alone he feels genuinely happy because he has actually moved past the challenges in his past. This type of happiness is far more genuine because the person has literally worked through the things that made them unhappy. His happiness is real because it's based on his deep self-awareness based on facing his hurts.

Genuine happiness comes from deep inside us. It is a level of existence that we achieve only when we work through the challenges from our past. I'm not suggesting that we live in the past, only that we acknowledge the things that hurt us earlier in life and then develop a plan to move forward.

Everyone deserves to live a life of genuine happiness, the kind that comes from deep inside. Those who are truly happy have left the burdens of the past in the past. Think about it as the difference between living your life with the burden of carrying a giant monkey on your back and never getting rid of it versus letting it go and living a much lighter and energized existence.

Self-awareness is not about being selfish or self-indulgent, it's about understanding who you are and constantly working on becoming the best person you can be. Those who choose to be aware of whom they really are reap the benefits of living a genuinely happy life.

Take care,

Guy
I help people find happiness.

Achieve Your Dreams

2008-03-10T11:27:00.000-07:00

The mistake we often make is that we live our whole lives putting our dreams on the back burner. There are several reasons this happens including fear, paying the bills, lack of planning and not believing that our dreams will come true.

People often think that thinking of their dreams is too unrealistic. The truth is that our lives tend to follow the patterns that we establish. If we think something cannot be achieved that will tend to happen.

As yourself this: What can I do today to start living my dreams? If you start believing and acting on the assumption that you can actually achieve your dreams you will begin to structure you life to make it happen.

The main message is don't give up, there is always time to start working on your dreams. Don't you deserve to live your dreams?

Have a great day,

Guy
I help people achieve their dreams.

The Five Steps to Success

2008-03-04T09:50:00.000-08:00

Many of my clients ask me if there is a secret to success. There really isn't a secret it just requires purposeful action. Purposeful action means that we are fully conscious and have thought about every action that we take. We don't leave things to chance except when appropriate and we consciously do things to improve things about ourselves.

Think of success in terms of practical things you can do to move in whatever direction you want. The following steps will help you achieve what you want in life but there is one caveat: you have to take action.

1. Define what success means to you.
2. Break your definition into parts and give each one a clear name. These become your goals.
3. Select one goal you want to work on.
4. Brainstorm different tasks that will help you achieve your goal.
5. Pick one task and follow it through to completion.

Use these five steps to keep moving. Success is based on continuous movement and action. With each action you complete you become stronger and more successful. Don't worry too much about what goal you choose or what action to take, it is the act of doing things that creates the change in your life.

Take care,

Guy
I help people succeed.

On Taking Action

2008-02-26T18:02:00.000-08:00

The only difference between those who succeed and those who stay stuck is taking action. I'm always amazed at the incredible things people can do when they decide to act to make their dreams a reality. Here's what some smart people say about the subject.

Annie Dillard:

How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.

Aristotle:

Moral excellence comes about as a result of habit. We become just by doing just acts, temperate by doing temperate acts, brave by doing brave acts.

Alfred Adler:

Trust only movement. Life happens at the level of events, not of words. Trust movement.

Anatole France:

To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream; not only plan, but also believe.

Ann Radcliffe:

One act of beneficence, one act of real usefulness, is worth all the abstract sentiment in the world.

Go out today and take action to make your dreams a reality, you'll be glad you did.

Take care,

Guy
I help people achieve their dreams.

Finding Your Own Answers

2008-02-20T09:47:00.000-08:00

I often get questions from people who are genuinely trying to figure out what to do in a relationship or in life. While I can give people examples of what other people have done to be successful, it is difficult to give people advice on what they should do. Each person will have their own way of arriving at a solution and a coach is there to help them arrive at whatever end they see fit.

I encourage people to think in terms of finding their own solutions to tough issues. If you don’t know what to do, spend some time thinking about the following points:

1. What would I name this issue?
2. What are some possible solutions for the issue?
3. Which solution makes the most sense to me?
4. What do I need to do to start working on the solution?

I help my clients take charge of their lives and gain the confidence necessary to work through tough challenges. We all have the answers we need inside; it just takes a bit of effort to find them. Outside people can give us their opinion but only we can arrive at the resolution that makes the most sense to us.

Take care,

Guy
I help people find their own answers.

Fixing Problems

2008-02-08T10:33:00.000-08:00

I have facilitated many workshops and coached many people and a common theme that comes up is the idea of fixing things. From an early age, we are taught to confront any problem with a fix. If someone says something to us in our personal or professional life we immediately jump and look for ways to fix it. While I like resolving issues it's also important to give some importance to just working on things without fixing them. Next time someone comes to you with a problem, consider the following possibilities:

1. Listen without interrupting or offering advice.
2. Give yourself permission not to fix anything.
3. Let the person talk to you freely and give them the time to do so.
4. Even if you disagree, don't rebut or become defensive.
5. Learn to recognize the things that trigger your defensiveness or anger.
6. Offer to listen to the person again.
7. Always remain calm and caring.

The act of listening changes the whole dynamic in relationships. Suddenly we can learn what other people really think and simply bond with them. This approach is different because it requires that, instead of talking or jumping in, we just let someone else tell us about the things they find meaningful. This approach greatly reduces hurt feelings and anger because it requires us to react calmly to anything another person says.

Take care,

Guy
I help people fix problems.

The Law of Attraction

2008-01-27T08:22:00.000-08:00

The Law of Attraction deals with the idea that we attract what we put out. It has been popularized by The Secret, a book dealing with how to improve various areas of one's life. My clients often ask me if this type of approach works. My answer usually is that, if it helps you create significant change in your life, then keep doing it. The measure of whether any approach works in your life is its outcome. If you're getting the results you want, you must be doing something right.

Attracting success and abundance requires starting with your thoughts. Here are some ideas to help you get started.

1. Visualize what you want to achieve.
2. Visualize one or two steps you can take to achieve your goal.
3. Acknowledge the things that may block you and agree to put them aside.
4. Visualize what your life would be like once you achieve the goal.
5. Measure your progress frequently.
6. Finish one goal before moving to the next.
7. Set realistic goals to set yourself up for success.

Attracting great things in your life is often just a matter of changing behavior patterns. If you tend to think negative thoughts you might try doing something else. If you are scared to start toward your goal you could try not being scared. The act of doing things differently is very powerful because it challenges us to see the world in a different way. Try doing something different today and see where it takes you.

Have a goal reaching day,

Guy
I help people attract abundance.

Are You Part of the Problem?

2008-01-24T11:08:00.000-08:00

We frequently become part of the problem in interpersonal relationships rather than helping devise a solution. This happens because we lose perspective and let the other person goad us into the conflict. Look at these scenarios and see if you can spot the difference between being part of the problem and not.

1. The other person gets angry and you immediately retaliate and/or defend yourself.

2. The other person gets angry and you ask them to tell you about it and you listen.

Guess which approach is more likely to get better results? There is a myth that we have to fight for our point of view and deny others theirs but this only perpetuates a communication style that is based on conflict. If one person wins then the other loses. I much prefer for each person to win.

One of the best ways to reduce confrontation is to simply listen. The world is not going to end if you don't retaliate or fight. In reality, you actually connect more with the other person if you just listen to them. You also benefit from not fighting.

People like to be valued and listened to and they are much more likely to work with you to resolve problems if they trust you to not trample all over them. Next time you feel a clash coming on, try listening to the other person without commenting, editorializing or offering your opinion. By doing this you will be setting the foundation for improved communication in the future.

What do you have to lose besides the conflict?

Have a problem solving day,

Guy
I help people listen to each other.

How to Talk With Your Kids

2008-01-22T20:58:00.000-08:00

Many well intentioned parents forget the cardinal rule of talking with children. We get so caught up in guiding and directing their behavior or protecting them that we forget that they are people. The single most important key to talking with your kids is listening.

How to Listen

1. Don't talk.
2. Don't judge.
3. Invite your child to talk about anything her or she wants with no repercussions.
4. No commenting or editorializing allowed from you. No stories about when you were their age.
5. Invite them to keep talking to you anytime they want.
6. The only things you are allowed to say are, "Tell me more," "I understand," and "Thank you for talking with me," or "I love you." Try nodding and smiling as ways to invite them to talk more.
7. Try to avoid applying your beliefs to what they say.
8. Thank them and tell them you love them. Then say nothing else.

Practice these skills over time (at least one month, or longer) and always remember to tell your child you love them and that you are open to listening to them. If they don't want to talk, respect their wishes and let them know that you are there when they are ready. When they do finally trust you, they will open up and then you can apply the ideas above. Once you've established and modeled that you can listen they may even invite you to offer your wisdom. They have to believe that you care enough to listen to them first.

Have a great listening day,

Guy
I help parents listen to their kids.

How to Be Successful

2008-01-15T19:24:00.000-08:00

Success. People try to attain it different ways. Some people believe The Secret will create success in their lives, others rely on some outside person to make them successful, some think if they work like crazy it will bring success. There are a couple of characteristics I have noticed in successful people that I thought I'd share with you.

Successful People Success Secrets

Have a goal in mind.
Keep going even when things get tough.
Believe in themselves even when others don't.
Set realistic and manageable goals.
Set themselves up for success.
Do things to understand themselves honestly.
Are open to outside help and scrutiny.
Understand that success is something you create.
Work intelligently, not just to be busy.
Follow their passion.

Try a few of these ideas on for size and see what they do for your success quotient. Successful people are those who follow their dreams and keep walking even when the road seems impassable.

Have a successful 2008,

Guy
I help people achieve success.

Want to Change Your Life?

2008-01-12T10:04:00.000-08:00

We all reach transitional points in our lives where we are motivated to move in a different direction. For some of us it may be a career change, for others a relationship transformation or a shift that helps us develop personally. Regardless of what change you are looking to make in your life it all starts with deciding what the change is, taking a step toward your goal and sticking to it over time.

Here's what some smart people have to say about the subject:

Alice Walker:

No person is your friend who demands your silence, or denies your right to grow.

Charles DuBois:

The important thing is this: To be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become.

Anais Nin:

There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.

Andy Warhol:

They say that time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself.

Epictetus:

It is impossible for a man to learn what he thinks he already knows.

The prospect of change can both create fear in us or energize us through the promise of growth and potential. Which will you choose?

Have a change filled day,

Guy
I help people change their lives.

Why Are There No Good Men (Women)?

2008-01-12T09:12:00.000-08:00

When I work with clients I often get questions about finding great men or women to date. People find themselves dating the same general type of person over and over and getting the same results. The good news is that you don't have to settle for frogs. You have an amazing ability to move your dating life in any direction you choose by following some basic steps.

1. Find out who you are before you date. This will give you a better idea and more self-esteem to pick more healthy people to date.

2. Understand that people who date you should be supportive, kind, helpful, attentive and should always make you feel that who you are as a person is important.

3. Excitement doesn't always equal a good person to date. Danger and mystery can be enticing and many times turns into very large problems that hurt us.

4. Nobody we date, under any circumstance, should take away our self-esteem.

5. We should never give up our identity to please or accommodate someone we're dating.

6. We benefit from learning to live alone first and then incorporating someone else into our lives. The healthier we are, the better choices we make in the dating arena.

Try thinking about these points as you date people. Dating should be fun and it ideally lifts us up and makes us feel great. Take some time to think about who you are as a person and work hard on making yourself the best person possible. Vibrant, healthy people see creeps coming down the road and steer clear.

Have a great dating day,

Guy
I help people get in great shape to date.

Creating Change in Your Life

2008-01-09T10:39:00.000-08:00

Anyone at any time can make a deliberate decision to change their life. We literally can move our life in any direction we want to. For example: If I decide I want to be an artist today (even if I am not one) I can do specific things to achieve that goal. I could take a class, call some artists, visit some galleries, buy some art supplies, paint a picture, and the list goes on and on. The only thing stopping me is the voice inside my head that tells me I can't do it. This is the voice that tells me that I will never achieve that, that I should be sensible, that I can't take a risk, that people will judge me, that my dreams are stupid and that I might as well give up.

This programming is powerful but can be overcome by following these basic steps:

1. Close your eyes and think about what you are telling yourself that stops you.
2. Close your eyes and think back to the first time you heard that message from someone.
3. Picture how your life would be without that message. Develop a short phrase that describes that feeling. For example, "I can be an artist because it's who I am."
4. Write down the phrase you come up with.
5. When you wake up in the morning and before you go to bed read the phrase and experience the good feelings that come with it. Repeat for a month and longer.

We play messages in our brains over and over that keep us from doing things we love. Following these basic five steps gives us a chance to introduce a new way of seeing ourselves. Practice it over time (at least a month) to make sure your brain believes in your new way of thinking. If you don't practice, it won't stick. Once you've shifted your thinking you can move on to a new goal.

You can change your life today,

Guy
I help people change their lives.

Overcome Your Fears

2008-01-09T10:22:00.000-08:00

Fear often keeps us repeating the same patterns, even to the extent of repeating behaviors we dislike. We get stuck doing the same thing over and over and don't see a way out. Overcoming fears is a challenge we avoid because we tend to hang on to the familiar rather than the unknown.

The paradoxical thing is that the unknown can often lead us in new and wonderful directions we couldn't even imagine when we started out. Facing your fears is a matter of finding out what they are, where they come from and taking action to move in a different direction. Here is what some smart people have to say about the subject.

Bonaro W. Overstreet

Perhaps the most important thing we can undertake toward the reduction of fear is to make it easier for people to accept themselves, to like themselves.

Don Miguel Ruiz:

Death is not the biggest fear we have; our biggest fear is taking the risk to be alive -- the risk to be alive and express what we really are.

Dorothy Thompson:

Only when we are no longer afraid do we begin to live.

Eleanor Roosevelt:

You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.

Go out and look fear in the eye today,

Guy
I help people overcome their fears.

Keeping New Year's Resolutions

2007-12-31T11:17:00.000-08:00

Many people make resolutions at the beginning of the new year and have difficulty keeping up the momentum and enthusiasm they initially experience. So how can we make sure we fulfill our new year's resolutions? Here are some helpful hints to get you started.

1. Pick a manageable goal. You can always pick another if you achieve one.
2. Pick only one thing you want to change. Don't try to do everything at once.
3. Pick a goal that you are very likely to follow through on. This leads to success.
4. Find an outside person to help you reinforce your goal.
5. Develop a plan and stick to it.
6. Take one step then keep walking.
7. Practice, practice, practice. The act of doing things over time creates change.

May you have a successful and fulfilling new year,

Guy
I help people keep their resolutions.

The Secret to The Secret

2007-12-27T08:31:00.000-08:00

There are many ways to help yourself get what you want out of life. People benefit profoundly from their mindset and the actions they take. The Secret is a popular book that talks about attracting what you want in life by what you put out. They call it the Law of Attraction. Here are some basic things you can do to start this type of process at any time.

1. Think of the thing you want.
2. Think of three things you can do to achieve that goal.
3. Pick one thing to take action on and start doing it today.
4. Check in with yourself to see how you're progressing.
5. When you've finished one goal, move on to the next.

The purposeful act of choosing to do something and then following through literally trains your mind to take on challenges. When you achieve any goal it opens up great possibilities because you begin to understand that you really can impact your life in significant ways.

I help people transform their lives every day and each one of them starts with a desire to accomplish something. The key to success is going from the abstract thought phase to actually taking action and doing something. Try these steps today on any goal you want to achieve and follow through until you achieve success. Along the way you will be practicing how to be a successful person.

Have a successful day,

Guy
I help people learn "The Secret" of how to attract success.

Dating Problems

2007-12-17T09:10:00.000-08:00

A lot of people ask me why they keep dating frogs. Others revel in the rush from dating bad boys or girls but end up hurt. Many lament not being able to find Mr. or Mrs. right. What I've found out over the years is that people date haphazardly. They have some vague notion of what they want but they are missing a few key elements that will help them date at a deeper, more rewarding level. Next time you are feeling troubled by your dating life think of the following ideas.

1. Am I happy with myself or am I looking for someone to fill that void?
2. Am I doing what I want with my life?
3. Do I date negative people because, deep down, I don't like myself?
4. Do I know how to meet positive, supportive people to date?
5. Am I meeting people that make me feel good about myself?
6. Do I have the communication and interpersonal skills to date well?
7. Why do I date?

As you think of answers to these questions you will begin to understand yourself more and identify the patterns that have led you to relationship problems. If you keep repeating the same behaviors you will likely get the same results. It's only when we begin to understand ourselves and treat ourselves well that we can begin letting great people into our lives.

Happy dating,

Guy
I help people enjoy dating.

Loving Yourself

2007-12-16T13:06:00.000-08:00

Do you know someone who loudly proclaims that they respect and love themselves and then get trampled mercilessly by every person who comes into their lives? Do you know someone who constantly agonizes with heartache but never seems to put it behind them? Many of us navigate the waters of relationships focusing almost entirely on the other person’s needs. We invest prodigious amounts of time and energy into making someone else happy or worrying about how they’re doing while ignoring the most important person in the room, us. Why is it we go through such elaborate planning to mold our lives around someone else only to find ourselves losing our self-identity and wishing for better relationships?

Somewhere along the way we lose sight of the importance of caring for ourselves. Taking care of ourselves first is a critically important step in creating fulfilling relationships in our lives but we don’t do it consistently. We benefit from tending to our own needs first so we can be in great shape to attract positive, vibrant people into our lives and share great relationships. So how do we do that? The good news is that there are many straightforward things we can do, starting today, to take care of ourselves and begin the process of respecting and loving ourselves. We can consciously become healthy and happy by learning what respect is. Take some time to find out what your needs are.

Have a Self-Love Day,

Guy
I help people love themselves

Respect: How to Get It

2007-12-15T17:11:00.000-08:00

Respect is a word that gets thrown around a lot but that we don’t always define clearly. This leaves everyone guessing and doing different things that may or may not lead to respectful relationships. We sometimes ask for respect from others or we strive hard to be respectful in our relationships but we don’t always ask for it for ourselves. We may find ourselves in relationships where we give all the respect in the world and get little or none in return. So what creates this uncertain, rocky landscape when it comes to respect? It may be caused because everyone defines respect in a different way. The important thing is for you to define it in a way that works for you and that you can clearly communicate to others. We often do not receive respect because we do not tell people what we need and we don’t take action to educate them. We essentially give other people the power to treat us negatively and not respect us. These patterns keep repeating because we don’t know what else to do. As we begin our journey toward asking for respect it is helpful to define the term. In romance and relationships, respect may be defined as someone allowing us be who we are, to help us and encourage us to grow, to share our triumphs and disappointments, to listen to us and to make us feel great. So how do we find this elusive thing called respect?

A logical starting point in the quest to respect ourselves is figuring out what we want out of our relationships and how we want to be treated. If we don’t know what we want, then how can we expect others to fulfill our wishes? Think in terms of defining who you are as a person and what is important to you. The second step toward honoring ourselves is to ask for respect from others. This is accomplished by asking the significant people in our lives for what we need. It’s our job to educate others about how we would like to be treated. As you’ve probably noticed, people aren’t mind readers – we have to tell them what we want. Many of us believe that people will just automatically understand how to respect us but, for the most part, people treat us exactly like we show them how to. We get results based on what we put out. If you act like a doormat you will attract people who will treat you like one. If you act healthy and balanced you will attract that kind of people.

Have a self-respecting day,

Guy
www.myrelationshipguy.com

Do You Feel Insecure?

2007-12-12T18:52:00.000-08:00

We sometimes feel insecure about ourselves and wonder if people are judging us or perhaps don't like us. Insecurity is not about other people, it's about us. When we feel insecure we are looking at the world through our fears. Some helpful things to think about when we're feeling insecure are:

What difference does it make what that person thinks of me?
Nobody anybody says can affect us unless we let it.
Insecurity goes away when we practice doing things and get better at them.
Take a moment to take it easy on yourself.
There are great things about you that you can feel secure about right now.

It's a good idea to focus on things you feel secure about and to practice those you don't feel secure about. Practice helps you build confidence and competence. Next time you feel insecure ask yourself, "Why am I doing this?" and move on to either trying to something differently. Only you have the power to get rid of insecurity.

Have a secure day,

Guy
I help build confident leaders.

Are You Ready to Take Action?

2007-12-05T23:32:00.000-08:00

Many people get closer to their dreams by taking action. When you purposefully decide to move in a certain direction you begin a journey that will take you in directions you may not even have imagined. Here's what some wise people have to say about the subject.

Anais Nin:

Dreams pass into the reality of action. From the actions stems the dream again; and this interdependence produces the highest form of living.

Anatole France:

To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream; not only plan, but also believe.

Alfred North Whitehead:

We cannot think first and act afterward. From the moment of birth we are immersed in action, and can only fitfully guide it by taking thought.

Have an action-filled day,

Guy
I help people take action.

Conflict May be About Deeper Issues

2007-11-23T10:42:00.000-08:00

Many people go through life putting out fires and reacting to whatever conflict comes their way rather than trying to prevent it. We often spend much of our time focusing on the issue on the surface but don't do anything to resolve the underlying situation. Think about the last time you had a fight with someone you loved. What was it about? Did you fix it? Did it go away permanently? Think of the following points next time you are in conflict with someone.

What is this conflict really about?
What am I feeling inside and where does that come from?
Do I really care whether the toilet seat is up or is it about something else?
What is it about me that compels me to fight about this?
What do I need to do to fix this situation?

When you ask yourself questions like these you begin the process of understanding yourself. It is this self-knowledge that helps us figure out who we really are at a deeper level. We spend so much time fighting about things that are only the tip of the real problem that lies below. Think about it next time you get upset. Am I really mad about the lid being left off the jar or is it that I feel like no one cares about me?

Once you figure out what's really going on you can begin doing the important work to actually fix your relationship and life conflicts.

Have a great conflict-fixing day,

Guy
I help people resolve conflict.

Getting Relationship Help that Works

2007-11-21T11:02:00.000-08:00

Many people who have relationship problems think that they can fix them themselves or get help from friends and family. The difficulty with this approach is that not everyone is qualified to help us find the answers we want. They may mean well and love us very much but they may not have a clue on how to actually fix a problem. Ask yourself the following questions next time you are looking for someone to help you with your relationship challenges.

Does this person have a track record of expert relationship problem solving?
Does this person listen unconditionally without giving advice?
Does this person help you come up with your own answers?
Is this person too close to the situation or not objective enough?
Does the person have anything to gain from a specific outcome?
Has this person had any training in fixing relationships?

These basic questions highlight the importance of getting help that will not only make you feel better or supported but, additionally, to find help that helps you create the results you want. The advice you get from others may be kind and supportive but does the problem go away?

I often hear from my clients that it is difficult to seek outside help. We are often taught that we need to fix things ourselves or should not trust anyone outside of friends and family. The good news is that an outside person or coach can help you make a problem go away. A supportive coach has the skills and experience to help you move in any direction you choose.

The next time you have a relationship problem and need help, think of contacting a coach. Interview them and find out if they would work well with you. Find out if they can help you create the results you want. You may be pleasantly surprised with the range of helpful services a coach can provide you. You may also contact me with any questions on coaching or how it can be helpful to you.

Have a great day,

Guy
www.myrelationshipguy.com

Do You Love Yourself?

2007-11-17T13:13:00.000-08:00

Have you ever known someone who says they love themselves but seems to be angry at the world or always has awful relationships? The general guideline for someone who loves herself is that she becomes more balanced, more accepting, kinder and more happy. Learning how to love ourselves begins with self-knowledge. Do you really love yourself? A good way of finding out is to evaluate whether you do things that help or hurt you in relationships. List the things that you allow to happen that are uplifting and then a list of the ones that bring you down. Do you have more things in your life that make you feel great or a larger number of disappointments? If you have a significant number of negative items on your list, don’t worry this just a tool to give you an idea of what to work on first. Look at your list and pick one thing from the negative side that you want to work on, the one that jumps out at you the most. Congratulate yourself because you have now started the process of working on self-love.

Have a great day,

Guy
www.myrelationshipguy.com

Celebrate Yourself

2007-11-15T18:03:00.000-08:00

Treating yourself well is as much a habit as a state of mind. It's a good idea to cut yourself some slack and celebrate the things you do well. We spend so much time beating ourselves up that we forget that we possess wonderful skills and abilities. Ask yourself the following questions to begin thinking about how great you are.

1. What do I do well?
2. What do I love to do?
3. What thing do I do that truly makes me happy?
4. What can I do to reward myself today in a positive way?
5. What am I an expert on?
6. What can I do today to take care of myself?

Practice one of these ideas each day and teach yourself how to live a life of positive self reinforcement rather than negativity. Learn to be your own best supporter, a person who recongnizes the amazing things about you. Don't be afraid of doing something silly like saying affirmations to yourself out loud. You have a unique power to be your own best supporter. It just takes a little practice and perserverance.

Keep doing it and, over time, you will shift your way of thinking to one that celebrates the things that make you special.

Have a great day and celebrate yourself,

Guy
I help people celbrate themselves.

What You Put Out is What You Get Back

2007-11-15T11:12:00.000-08:00

Think about this proposition next time you interact with people at work
or in your personal life. How does the vibe you put out affect what you
get back from people. For example, how do you feel when someone does
the following:

Frowns.
Scowls.
Speaks in an aggressive tone of voice or shouts.
Doesn't listen.
Doesn't look at you.
Is angry or impatient.
Talks over you.
Rolls their eyes.
Always griping or negative.

How
would you react to a person acting like this? I bet you can think of
many other things that are not conducive to great communication or to
effective interpersonal relationships. It's amazing how much the energy
we put out affect what we get back.
On the other hand, think of how you react when someone projects the following:

Smiles.
Listens.
Speaks in a calm tone.
Looks at you.
Talks when appropriate.
Nods and prompts you for more information.
Focuses on positive approaches.

What was your reaction to this type of behavior? If you're like most people
you would likely be more attracted to interacting with this person.
There really is something to the idea that what we put out is what we
get back. What can you do about it? Start today by putting out positive
vibes that the world can pick up on. It will take conscious effort and
practice on your part but, over time, you will transform who you are
and attract greater positivity.

Have a positive day,

Guy
I help people live positive lives.

How to Deal With Difficult People

2007-11-14T20:53:00.000-08:00

I frequently facilitate workshops with managers and business people and the question frequently comes up on how to deal with difficult people. The answer is multifaceted but it comes down to understanding your role, understanding the other person and setting an atmosphere where you can actually bond with the other person.

Think about the following ideas when you encounter a difficult person.

1. Take a deep breath or do something to calm yourself down.
2. Realize that difficult people aren't difficult because of you.
3. Don't take difficult people's behavior personally.
4. Ask the person to talk at a mutually beneficial time.
5. Make sure there are no interruptions and that the atmosphere is calm.
6. Try to determine what is going on together.
7. Listen, listen, listen.
8. Do some more listening.
9. Listen more than talk.
10. Did I mention listening.

The point I am making is that we each have a great deal of control over how
we react to difficult people. It's amazing how much easier we can make
interactions if we let go of our personal hurts and grievances and just
listen to the other person. Listening doesn't cost us anything and we
actually create an opportunity to figure out what's going on.

The big mistake we most often make is that we let the difficult person hook
us into a confrontation. We then end up trying to defend ourselves or
win an argument. In cases like this the difficult person has roped you
into conflict and you have gone along willingly.

Try the ideas above and take yourself out of the equation by not feeding into the
difficult behavior. Learn about the person and try your best to find
out what makes them behave the way they do. You might be amazed at what
you find out.

Have a difficult-person-free day,

Guy
I help people deal with difficult people.

How to Communicate Effectively

2007-11-13T15:28:00.000-08:00

My clients often ask me how to communicate more effectively. We all are capable of communicating effectively we just haven't learned how to actually do it. Here are some basic tips on how to gets started.

1. Set up an atmosphere for communicating. Everyone gets to say what they want, nobody is punished, everyone is safe to say what they want with no fear of retribution.

2. Everyone agrees to listen and only person talks at a time. When someone speaks other people simply listen. There should be no advice giving, rebuttals or contradicting. Everyone gets a chance to say what they want.

3. Everyone agrees that there is no such thing as a wrong comment or dumb question.

4. Everyone agrees to talk about the same amount of time. No one person monopolizes the conversation. No one person is more important than another.

5. We agree to communicate with each other respectfully, with a calm tone of voice, without harsh language and with no derogatory comments.

6. We agree that any information that is communicated will not be used against someone or to make them feel bad.

7. Keep it simple. Say what you mean, say it briefly and constructively.

8. Leave any personal agendas out of the meeting.

9. Keep it positive. Communication ideally builds a positive atmosphere that promotes solutions rather than only gripe sessions.

Once you follow all of these concepts you will be on your way to communicating effectively. Each one takes practice and commitment from all parties involved. Practice each one (one at a time) until you master it. When you have mastered all of them you will experience the peace of mind that comes from communicating effectively.

Have a great communication day,

Guy
I help people communicate.

The Power of Positive Thinking

2007-11-11T13:42:00.001-08:00

I was coaching a group of people all of whom had been through significant trauma in their lives. I asked the question, "Why is it that you all are able to move forward when others don't?" What is the difference between those who can overcome adversity and those who get stuck with it?

The answer is simple but significant. The people that overcome obstacles are those who are able to focus on the positive. This doesn't mean that they minimize trauma or don't acknowledge difficulties it's simply that they are able to focus on actually doing positive things.

People have an amazing ability to move in any direction they want to. Right this moment you could start doing something to change your life if you wanted to. All it takes is making a conscious decision that you are going to do something, anything. Being positive is about focusing on the things you can change and that you have control over.

We are able to change ourselves because we have control over what we do. Next time you feel like there is no hope try doing one thing to interrupt those thoughts and that will move you in a positive direction. Time after time I've had clients tell me that all it took to change their lives was thinking positively about something they used to think of as negative.

Have a positive day,

Guy
I help people find the positive things.

How to Change Your Life

2007-11-10T14:49:00.000-08:00

People often ask me how to change their lives. The answer is simple but doing it is the hard part. We are in a culture that demands quick results and changing our lives requires deliberate action over time. Next time you are wondering how to change your life here is the answer that many people have used to transform their situation.

1. Think of what you want to change.
2. Devise a strategy to change it.
3. Pick one goal.
3. Pick one task you can do to start achieving your goal.
4. Check in with yourself in a week to see if you achieved the goal.
5. If the goal needs revising, do so. If you've completed it, move to the next goal.
6. Reward yourself each time you complete a goal. No overindulging please.

Try these steps and see if they help you change your life. Everyone who has ever changes their lives started with desire but they all needed a plan to do it. Put one foot in front of the other and strive to complete your goals. If you feel like giving up that is normal but please continue walking forward.

No life change is easy. They all take deliberate effort but people achieve their goals all the time. There is no reason why you shouldn't be able to do so as well.

All the best,

Guy
I help people reach their goals.

When You Have No Hope

2007-10-29T12:29:00.000-07:00

Many of us reach points in our lives where we feel like nothing is going right. I ask people to focus on the things that are going right. It may sound simplistic but much of how we see the world is based on perspective.

Why is it that one person sees an event as a tragedy while another sees it simply as a bump in the road? Perspective. Why is it that one person crumbles when faced with adversity but others thrive? Perspective.

When you give up hope you give up believing that you can affect the world around you. This is only a perception because, in fact, you can always do something to move your life in a different direction. Try these simple techniques to overcome the challenges in your life.

1. Take an inventory of the things you do well.
2. Pick one of the things you came up with to work on.
3. Take steps to finish the work.
4. Move on to the next thing you want to do.

Regaining hope is often about finding your inner confidence. You reconnect to your inner hope and confidence by actually doing things and experiencing the challenge of completing tasks. Doing things literally impells you to do something besides dwell on your loss of hope. Try these steps and move in a direction that satisfies you. You deserve it.

Have a hope filled day,

Guy
I help people find hope.

Self Reflection

2007-10-27T19:36:00.000-07:00

Clients frequently ask me how to figure out other people. Oftentimes the key to our happiness does not rest on other people but within us. Self reflection is a skill that benefits us by helping us understand our needs so that we can take care of them. It's a great skill to learn because it helps us make ourselves feel good.

Take a moment today to reflect on who you are as a person. You can start by taking an inventory of the achievements you are most proud of and those you wish you could improve. Ask yourself some questions like the following:

1. What am I most proud of?
2. What skills do I possess?
3. Where do I see myself in 6 months, 1 year, 5 years?
4. What are the challenges I face?
5. What will I do to overcome the challenges?

Thinking about ourselves isn't selfish, it's actually a great way to begin healing our wounds and building ourselves up. Try beginning the process today and you will start to notice that it feels great to focus on yourself and your future.

Have a reflective day,

Guy
www.myrelationshipguy.com

Finding Your Meaning of Life

2007-10-26T23:54:00.000-07:00

People tell me about their goals and aspirations followed by all the reasons why they can't do anything about them. Frequently the only thing stopping people from doing what they want to is their self-imposed limitations.

The meaning of life is pretty much whatever you decide it is for you. You have immense power to move your life in any direction you want it to. Try the following today:

1. Think of something you really love doing.
2. Plan a way to fit this thing into your life.
3. Continue doing it.

Make sure you act in ways that get you closer to your dreams. For example: If you love art do everything in your power to pursue the interest. This could mean taking an art class, going to museums, creating your own art or talking to artists. The idea is to begin doing things in the area you love.

Once you start this movement toward doing things you love you will live life more meaningfully. I always encourage people to do the things that bring them joy. In this way, we live more meaningful lives.

All the best,

Guy
I help people find meaning.

Take Action to Love Yourself

2007-10-17T15:16:00.000-07:00

As you’ve probably guessed from experience, loving yourself is about doing things that lead to positive outcomes as well as learning how to improve yourself. An additional action you can take to learn how to love yourself is to find out who you are. Set aside some time, without interruptions, to find out who you are. Ask yourself some self-discovery questions. What is my passion in life? What are the things I do well? What are the areas I can improve? What is my part in creating great relationships?

The process of loving ourselves comes from understanding who we are and working through the things that block our ability to love ourselves. For example: If you have difficulty committing in a relationship it may stem from something inside you that blocks you from accepting or giving love. If you identify what is blocking you it suddenly gives you a lot of power to change what you are doing. Self-love is about practicing positive behaviors and experiencing the joy that comes from learning about yourself.

Have a great day,

Guy
I help people take action.

Dealing with a Broken Heart

2007-10-06T10:19:00.000-07:00

Many of us have had our hearts broken. Sometimes it’s by a parent, a friend, a relative, a coworker or a significant other. We can gain a lot of strength from how we deal with these hurts. It’s perfectly natural to be hurt and how we deal it will lead us down the path toward having a healthy or failing heart. Think about it, the way you treat your heart can affect many areas in your life. Imagine if you could never recover from and insult or a break-up.

Our heart follows our actions. We can choose to stay stuck in pain and misery or we can choose to be kind to our heart and do things to move in a more positive direction. We have the ability to change our behavior consciously, a skill that comes in handy when tending to our hearts. Next time your heart hurts ask yourself some questions that will help you move in a positive direction. What is hurting me? What can I do to improve how I feel and take care of myself? What can I do to interrupt the pattern that keeps me stuck with a hurting heart? When you discover why you are hurting you then are able to do something differently. Our hearts often hurt because we have not yet learned how to mend them and nurse them back to health. Some people carry this hurt their entire lives. Much as an unhealthy heart can keep us from running a marathon, it can also keep us from enjoying a great relationship. When we learn how to care for our heart we can then enjoy it in all its healthy glory.

Have a Happy Heart Day,

Guy
I help mend broken hearts.

Communication in Relationships

2007-09-27T18:03:00.000-07:00

People often ask me what to do on a date or in a relationship when trying to start a conversation. Many of us learned how to communicate in our families and with friends so we may only know one style; our own. Learning a couple of basic skills can help us make the most of communicating with anyone. Try these ideas next time you are talking to a date or someone you are in a relationship with.

1. Listen actively.
2. Ask open ended questions.
3. Listen actively.
4. Did I mention listening actively?

One of the easiest ways to help a conversation get started and build is to listen and ask questions. To be an active listener try the following:

1. Look at the other person.
2. Really listen carefully and give all your attention to what the other person says rather than thinking about what you want to say next.
3. Nod or say uh-huh to indicate you are listening.

Open ended questions are formed by asking questions that can’t be answered with a yes or no. Ask “What did you think about that?” rather than “I bet your really thought that was horrible.” The open ended question will invite the other person to tell you more rather than answering yes or no.

Try these common sense ideas and you will be on your way to gaining a new understanding of other people. I wish you all the best as you begin mastering the art of communication.

Have a communication filled day,

Guy
I help people communicate with each other.

I Always Go Out with Losers

2007-09-27T13:54:00.000-07:00

Many have had the experience of going out with someone who is not good for us. First let's clarify that there is no such thing as a loser, just people who haven't yet found a way to move in a positive direction. We often actively contribute to getting stuck in negative patterns and we label the other person as a loser rather than looking at ourselves. Ask yourself these questions next time you're wondering why you are stuck going out with less than marvelous people:

1. What does being with this person say about me?
2. How can I move in a different direction?
3. What can I do to improve myself so I don't attract these people?
4. What can I learn from this?
5. Do I have a plan for change?

Everyone is capable of attracting good people. There really are no losers at all, just people who are stuck in negative patterns. Good luck finding your positive pattern.

Take care,

Guy
I help people avoid going out with losers.

Get Help to Fix Your Relationship Problem

2007-09-16T22:15:00.000-07:00

A lot of us prefer to try to fix our problems on our own rather than reach out to others. We may ask for help from friends or family but with limited success. We hesitate to ask for help because we have been taught that we should take care of things ourselves.

The good news is that there have been advances in the kind of help we can receive in the last 20 years. The stigma associated with looking for outside help is going away. Many of my clients say they have difficulty going to therapy. Although I think therapy is an excellent way to work out issues there are also alternatives such as coaching.

When I work with people we don't go into mental health issues or dwell in the past. It is not because these things aren't important but rather because coaching deals with the here and now and what you can do to improve it in the future.

I work with people to help them figure out what's going on and help them formulate a plan to fix it. This approach is helpful for people who just need a supportive outside person who can motivate them to move in the direction they choose.

If you have been looking for a way to deal with relationship issues or problems perhaps coaching is a good option for you. A coach helps you get what you want out of your relationships by clearing away that obstacles and helping you design your new path to happiness.

Have a great relationship day,

Guy
I help people fix their relationship problems.

5 Steps to Great Dating

2007-09-14T12:03:00.000-07:00

Great dating is about knowing who you are and how to be treated well. We often go for exciting people rather than those who will treat us well and will become more exciting over time. Think about the following next time you are trying to improve your dating experiences:

1. Who am I as a person?
2. What do I want out of dating?
3. Do the people I date build me up as a person and make me feel great about myself?
4. Do I date because I'm healthy and happy or do I date to fulfill some other need?
5. Am I doing things to date people who share my interests and dreams?

Dating doesn't have to be serious and boring, it can be very exciting when you find people who really share your interests and who treat you well. Always keep in mind that you deserve to date people who make you feel great and let you be who you are.

Have a great dating day,

Guy
I'm a dating coach.

You Can Do It

2007-09-08T11:13:00.000-07:00

The only thing that separates those who succeed from those who don't is follow through. Many of us can envision doing something but we don't take any steps to actually do it. I work with my clients to help them understand that they really can do anything they want. Think about the following steps next time you wish you could do something and use them to motivate yourself to do them.

1. What do you want to do? This is your goal.
2. What can you do today to move toward your goal? This gets you moving.
3. What will you do within one month to keep doing things.
4. Keep doing it.

Nobody ever completes or succeeds at any project unless they start. Once you start the only thing you have to worry about it how to keep going. You will naturally run into roadblocks and challenges. You will learn a lot about yourself based on how you keep yourself motivated.

Once you realize that you don't have to give up your hopes and dreams and that you can really do something about transforming your life, you can begin enjoying the fruits of your labor.

Have an action filled life,

Guy
I help people achieve goals in their lives.

Dating Advice and Online Coaching

2007-09-03T10:32:00.000-07:00

One proven way to find dates is to work on yourself first and do the things you love. Too often we spend a disproportionate amount of time trying to find the perfect person or mold someone else into what we would like rather than first understanding who we are and what we are looking for. The people who prove to be the most successful in dating at a meaningful level are those who surround themselves with people and activities that they really enjoy.

When you work on yourself and do things you love you begin moving your life in a direction where you move amongst people who have interests like yours. Find what it is that really makes you happy and move in those circles. In that way, you increase your chances of meeting someone who actually shares your interests and philosophy.

Get yourself as healthy as possible and you will attract the same. The better you feel about yourself the more it wards off the people who love misery. You attract what you project. When you are healthy you realize that you deserve to be treated well and you tend to attract people who are in a similar state of mind. When you are unhealthy, people see you coming and you will attract people who are willing to capitalize on your vulnerability or share their misery with you.

A thought on online romance. We frequently rely on the internet to connect with others but there is a lot to be said for giving up the safety and fantasy of sitting at a computer for the greater challenge of meeting people face to face. Enjoy getting out there in the real world and show people who you are in person and that you deserve a healthy, rewarding relationship.

Have a great dating day,

Guy
I help people date well.

Relationship Advice to Help You Fix a Problem

2007-08-16T22:24:00.000-07:00

A lot of us prefer to try to fix our relationship problems on our own rather than ask for help. We may ask for advice from friends or family but with limited success. After all, people can only give us advice based on what they know and many people, though well meaning, do not know how to fix a relationship problem. We may end up not asking for help at all because we have been taught that we should take care of things ourselves or we don't get useful advice.

The good news is that there are resources available to you to fix relationship problems. The stigma associated with looking for outside help is going away and people are more open to getting help from an impartial, outside person. The benefit of getting outside help is that the person does not have any interest in the outcome other than helping you find solutions that work for you. Therapy is an excellent way to work out issues but there are also alternatives such as coaching when you don't require mental health related services. I always recommend that if people have a mental health issue they benefit from seeing mental health professionals. For issues related to our functioning in relationships a coach can often be helpful.

When I coach people we don't go into mental health issues or dwell in the past. It is not because these things aren't important but rather because coaching deals with the here and now and what you can do to improve it in the future. I literally help you change the way you do things now and do them in a way that works for you. You make all the decisions with guidance and support.

I work with people to help them figure out a new way of doing things. Coaching is helpful for people who just need a supportive outside person who can motivate them to move in the direction they choose. It's like having a friend listen to you who is actually qualified to help you resolve your problems.

If you have been looking for a way to deal with relationship issues or problems perhaps coaching is a good option for you. A coach helps you get what you want out of your relationships by clearing away that obstacles and helping you design your new path to happiness. Feel free to contact me at the link below if you have any questions about how coaching can help you transform your relationships.

Have a great relationship day,

Guy
I help people fix their relationship problems.

Fighting With Family

2007-08-08T15:59:00.001-07:00

When it comes to family, conflict can be especially painful. My clients often ask me what to do about a family member who they can't get along with. It can be tricky to deal with family because there are often rules we are expected to follow in our families.

We feel a sense of duty toward family but that doesn't give people some free pass to hurt each other. Ideally we treat everyone with the same dignity and respect whether they are family or not.

Here's a couple of things to think about:

1. Respect your needs and beliefs first.
2. Inform your family about what you want. Set limits and boundaries.
3. Inform your family you are available to work things out.
4. Work with them to resolve the conflict.
5. Set the example for how you want to be treated.
6. Take some time away if things get heated.
7. Expect resistance.

You are your own unique person regardless of what your family says. It's ultimately healthiest to pay attention to the things that bring you joy and happiness than to try to mold yourself into someone else's vision. Trust yourself and teach your family who you are. Do it with kindness and patience and eventually they will understand who you are.

Take care,

Guy
www.myrelationshipguy.com

Baby Boomers and Retirement

2007-08-06T11:15:00.000-07:00

So you're a baby boomer and you are contemplating retirement. I help
baby boomers figure out what they want to do with the rest of their
lives. Retirement can be both exciting and challenging time in our
lives. Baby boomers are in a position to do some great things with the
remainder of their lives. Retirement is no longer a call to retire in
Florida for the boomers. The baby boom generation has much to give and
a new vision of what retirement means.

The
key to retirement is to make it rewarding for you. Ask yourself the
following questions to figure out what you want to do with the rest of
your life.

Will I continue working?
What is my passion in life and am I pursuing it?
What unresolved issues do I need to fix in my life?
How is my relationship with those I love?
What are my skills and talents?
What will I do with the rest of my life.
What brings me great joy and am I doing that?

Take
a moment to think about who you really are as a person and what you
want to purposefully do with your life. When I coach people, I help them
clarify what they want out of life and plan for the future. I'm always
amazed at the wonderful things that people can do when they follow
their dreams.

As you think about retirement try to include
things you love and that have great meaning to you. Retirement can be a
wonderful time to show the world who you are and leave your mark as the
great person you are.

Have a purposeful day,

Guy
I help people enjoy retirement.

What is Business Coaching?

2007-07-27T15:30:00.000-07:00

Business coaching can help you improve yourself and your business by helping you focus your energy and talent on things that will help you take your business to the next level. I help executives, managers and companies improve staff morale, increase productivity, build stronger teams and practice excellent workplace communications. I help managers to help them delegate more effectively and give their staff the opportunity to grow and excel. I help business owners focus their vision and take action on their goals.

Successful business owners know that when their employees feel their skills and abilities are being recognized and utilized the business benefits from a more productive workforce. Skilled managers understand that a happy workforce reduces turnover and hiring costs. I enjoy working with businesses to help them identify their employees strengths and use their talents.

Coaching services I provide include:

Individual Coaching: Targeted support for staff to help improve specific situations. Coaching helps individuals clarify what is happening in the situation and develop strategies to meet the challenge. Individuals build on their own strengths and devise their own plans of action with the support and encouragement of a coach.

Group Coaching: Working intensively with staff to build a shared culture and purpose. Build stronger interpersonal connections through ongoing skill building. Coach monitors participant progress and promotes accountability by encouraging participants to meet their goals and plan for the present and future.

Success Coaching: Supportive partnering to identify areas of interest, barriers to achievement and areas of strength. Build clearer goals and devise specific strategies to reach those goals. Develop a clearer vision of where you are going and how you will get there.

Businesses benefit from having an impartial outside person coach staff individually and in small groups to build skills and achieve goals. Coaching is an ongoing process that helps the individual clarify what she wants to accomplish and helps her achieve it through strategic support and accountability. Coaching is individualized and focuses on promoting successful behaviors that create change over time.

Have a successful business day,

Guy
Coaching and training services.

Talking without Defensiveness

2007-07-26T16:12:00.000-07:00

A skill that will help you evaluate almost any relationship issue it to learn how to have a conversation without defensiveness. I often hear from my clients that it is very difficult to not take things personally. It is natural for us to think that everything another person says has to do with us but, in reality, what other people tell us is simply their perception.

Take for example a couple where one person says to the other that he can't stand the way the other person treats him. Let's examine the statement in a brand new way. The natural inclination for many people is to get upset and feel threatened or hurt. Try these ideas next time someone says something that you normally would fight back about or that gets you defensive:

1. Examine the statement only as words. In this case the person said they can't stand the way we treat them. Look at this as simply a statement by the other person that reflects how they think. Take yourself out of the picture by making the statement about them and not you. In this way, you have just created an opportunity to take what the other person has said and learn something about how they think.

2. Think of the statement as window into the other person's thoughts and take the opportunity to learn about the other person. After all, they're only telling you about their perception.

3. Ask open ended questions to gather more information. For example: What are the reasons you think that? Gather information only. Don't judge, don't get upset and don't fight. Ask open ended questions until the tone of the conversation changes from tension to calm.

4. Listen, listen, listen. Try not to comment, rebut, challenge or change the other person's point of view no matter how much you disagree. Don't interrupt. Hang in there until the conversation goes from being confrontational to calming down. You will know when you have listened enough because the other person will be calmer.

5. When the other person is finished, repeat what they have said. Thank them for the information and tell them you will consider it. You don't need to do anything else at this point.

What you have just done is given the other person the chance to tell you about themselves. You have also shown them what it is like to be listened to in a relationship and to have your point of view accepted for what it is: your point of view. This sets up a very important dynamic because it introduces the possibility that both people can actually express themselves without always getting mad.

Try this approach the next time you find yourself in a situation where someone is telling you something that sets you off. If you practice this approach, the other person will notice that you are giving them the chance to speak and will be more likely to do the same for you.

Even if the other person is saying things to try to upset you, if you use this approach, you will be able to get information directly from the other person to clarify what's going on. Often people say things they don't mean because they don't feel heard or don't think it will matter to the other person. I hope you will use this approach to help defuse the amount of defensiveness in your relationship.

Take care,

Guy
www.myrelationshipguy.com

Life Coach Help Advice Life Coaching

2007-07-14T15:46:00.000-07:00

If you have ever encountered a challenge in your life you're aware that we don't always have the answers to the issues in our lives. A supportive and motivational life coach helps you find a solution that works for you based on your skills and abilities. Life coaching provides you help and advice to meet the challenges in your life head on and develop a plan to move forward successfully.

A life coach can help you:
1. Figure out what is the issue you are facing.
2. Develop a plan to fix a problem you face.
3. Build on your strengths and abilities.
4. Achieve your goals and dreams.
5. Feel good about yourself.
6. Build your self esteem.
7. Celebrate the great things about you.
8. Live the life you want to live.
9. Share your talents with the world.
10. Find excitement in your life.
11. Build fulfilling relationships.
12. Fix the problems that have been nagging you.
13. Move forward in life.
14. Actually plan your success.

There are so many ways that life coaching can help you because coaching is based on clarifying what you want to do. You call the shots and you get to decide what kind of life you want to live. Coaching gives you the control of your life back by giving you the power to pursue your dreams and achieve happiness.

Think of a life coach as a person who will listen to you unconditionally and support you with whatever you want to achieve in life. It's like having a success partner that only has your interests in mind.

Please feel free to contact me if you would like to find out how life coaching can help you live the life you want. I look forward to hearing from you.

Have a purposeful day,

Guy
My life coaching services.

Joy in Life

2007-06-26T15:07:00.000-07:00

When I coach people they often tell me they have difficulty experiencing joy in their lives. Joy is a wonderful concept which I define as experiencing pure bliss and contentment. Joy is also complex in that we could not experience it if we did not also experience pain. A life of perpetual joy would soon begin to feel bland, so we need the ups and downs that come with everyday experience.

How do you define joy? Joy can be that moment at which you feel complete happiness and want for nothing else. It can be gazing into someone's eyes whom you love or doing something that means a lot to you. Joy is what we experience when we work through difficulties and as we let go of the things that bring us down. Here's what some smart people have to say about the matter:

Pearl S. Buck:

The secret of joy in work is contained in one word - excellence. To know how to do something well is to enjoy it.

Audre Lorde:

The sharing of joy, whether physical, emotional, psychic, or intellectual, forms a bridge between the sharers which can be the basis for understanding much of what is not shared between them, and lessens the threat of their difference.

Kahlil Gibran:

The deeper that sorrow carves into your being the more joy you can contain. Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven?

May you experience great joy in your life,

Guy
www.myrelationshipguy.com

Seniors and Retirement

2007-06-23T21:26:00.000-07:00

So you're a senior and you are looking for ways to enjoy retirement. I help
seniors figure out what they want to do with the rest of their
lives. Retirement can be both exciting and challenging time in our
lives. Seniors are in a position to do some great things with the
remainder
of their lives but may not have access to advice that will help them
make the most of their talents and abilities. Seniors today have much
to give and enjoy and want to live fulfilling lives. Gone are the days
when one had to sit around do nothing, today's seniors are active and
full of life and vigor.

The key to retirement is to make it rewarding for you. Ask yourself the
following questions to figure out what you want to do with the rest of
your life.

Do I want to work?
What is my passion in life and am I pursuing it?
What unresolved issues do I need to fix in my life?
How is my relationship like with those I love?
What are my skills and talents?
What will I do with the rest of my life.
What brings me great joy and am I doing that?

Take a moment to think about who you really are as a person and what you
want to purposefully do with your life. When I coach people, I help them
clarify what they want out of life and plan for the future. I'm always
amazed at the wonderful things that people can do when they follow
their dreams.

As
you think about retirement try to include things you love and that have
great meaning to you. Retirement can be a wonderful time to show the
world who you are and leave your mark as the great person you are.

Have a purposeful day,

Guy
href="http://www.myrelationshipguy.com">Visit my website for more
information on how I can help you enjoy your life to its
fullest.

Are You Insecure?

2007-06-18T19:32:00.000-07:00

Insecurity chips away at many people's self-esteem and keeps us stuck feeling poorly about ourselves. It can even affect our relationships because it inserts and unhealthy element into the relationship. Insecurity can be defined as when someone feels that they are not worthwhile. People feel insecure when they are scared, feel threatened or feel like they are not important.

Some people withdraw when they are insecure others lash out. Regardless of how we behave, insecurity is about how we feel about ourselves. So what can we do to feel better about ourselves. Think of the following ideas to boost your self confidence and reduce your insecurity.

Characteristics of Secure People
Aren't threatened by others.
Listen well and don't require attention by talking.
Don't require attention all the time.
Are comfortable with other people's success.
Don't feel they have to win.
Don't put other people down to make themselves feel better.

Characteristics of Insecure People
Threatened by others.
Talk a lot to get attention.
Need to be the center of attention.
Jealous of others' success.
Competitive, always need to win.
Put people down to feel better.

Think of yourself, where do you fall on these two extremes? If you see yourself on the insecure side, don't worry, all you have to do is increase some of the positive traits. Even very insecure people can feel better about themselves by doing things that allow them to experience their own success.

I suggest to my clients that they find out something they like to do and pursue it. Learn from the successes and challenges in life and you will learn how to feel great about yourself. Feeling secure takes some practice but the rewards are amazing.

I wish you an insecurity-free life,

Guy
I help people find security.

It's Not About You

2007-06-14T23:13:00.000-07:00

When I teach people conflict resolution the question often comes up, "So what am I supposed to do if someone is getting mad at me?" Though counterintuitive, the answer is that you don't have to do much, just listen. The next time someone is getting upset while talking with you try these techniques:

1. Listen actively.
2. Nod and smile.
3. If you must talk do so only to say, "Tell me more."

You will be absolutely amazed at the results you will get from simply listening to someone. The trap we fall in is that we think that, when other people are upset, it must be about us. When you give someone the space and opportunity to simply talk and be validated then they will give you much more information than if you engage them in a conflict.

So, give it a try. The next time you are about to get in an argument tell yourself that it is not about you and give the other person the chance to tell you about themselves. Once you master this skill, you will find that many of the conflicts you formerly had will disappear because you will no longer be part of the conflict.

Take care,

Guy
www.myrelationshipguy.com

You Are the Most Important Person in The World

2007-05-29T11:17:00.000-07:00

We frequently give ourselves to others in ways that weaken our spirit and take us down a road we don't want to travel. It's almost as if we lose our sense of who we are and hand over our destiny to another person.

One of the reasons why relationships stagnate or engender conflict is that the parties have forgotten that they are the most important person in the world. We benefit by first understanding ourselves and working out our own issues and then entering relationships. In this way, relationships become about a connection between two or more healthy people rather than individuals who facilitate each other's negative behaviors.

Think of yourself as the most important person in the world. Work on yourself first and you will attract people who will enjoy you for who you are, not for what they can get out of you.

Take care,

Guy
I help people feel important.

Communication and Relationships

2007-05-21T09:42:00.000-07:00

People often ask me what to do on a date or in a relationship when trying to start a conversation. Many of us learned how to communicate in our families and with friends so we may only know one style; our own. Learning a couple of basic skills can help us make the most of communicating with anyone. Try these ideas next time you are talking to a date or someone you are in a relationship with.

1. Listen actively.
2. Ask open ended questions.
3. Listen actively.
4. Did I mention listening actively?

One of the easiest ways to help a conversation get started and build is to listen and ask questions. To be an active listener try the following:

1. Look at the other person.
2. Really listen carefully and give all your attention to what the other person says rather than thinking about what you want to say next.
3. Nod or say uh-huh to indicate you are listening.

Open ended questions are formed by asking questions that can't be answered with a yes or no. Ask "What did you think about that?" rather than "I bet your really thought that was horrible." The open ended question will invite the other person to tell you more rather than answering yes or no.

Try these common sense ideas and you will be on your way to gaining a new understanding of other people. I wish you all the best as you begin mastering the art of communication.

Take care,

Guy
I help people get along.

What is a Dating Coach?

2007-05-18T14:11:00.000-07:00

Attracting the Right People People often ask me why they keep dating the wrong people. The answer that they most often come up with after some self-exploration is that they are looking for people based on mistaken assumptions.

Most of us look for people that create a spark, that excite us into wanting to get to know them better. This method creates an initial euphoria that blinds us to understanding clearly what we want from relationships. We become so intoxicated with romance that we are unable to make rational decisions.

What I help people with is building self-awareness. When we understand who we are and what we love and need we tend to make better choices regarding relationships. If we don’t know ourselves very well or don’t like ourselves we tend to attract people that reinforce that. When we understand ourselves better and are healthier we tend to attract more positive people.

There really is no magic to this process. What’s been shown to work time after time is that people who are healthy attract other healthy people. All it takes is some work first on getting ourselves as healthy mentally and physically as possible. Then we attract people who admire us for the wonderful, healthy people we are.

Take care,

Guy

I help people enjoy dating.

We All Need Support

2007-05-07T19:38:00.000-07:00

When I help people figure out what they want out of life and their relationships they often ask me why some people achieve their goals and some don't. The answer is frequently that successful people ask for outside help so that they can learn new ways of doing things that break the patterns they've established. As a life coach and advisor, I am familiar with people's power to change their lives dramatically with the help of someone supportive helping them reach their goals.

It's great to have friends and family but there is an additional valuable place for having someone helping us who does not know us. It introduces an objectivity and clarity we can't get from people who know us. Some people look for help from a therapist, for others a coach is a great option, for others a class or group of some kind helps them acquire new insight. The people who most succeed at changing things in their life have this kind of outside support that opens their minds to new possibilities.

An outside, supportive person can help us see things from a more neutral point of view and can identify things that people who know us don't see. If we are stuck in the same rut it's often refreshing to just have a neutral, outside perspective that gives us clear feedback. Try it sometime: think of something you want to work on in your life and then reach out to an outside helper who can help you get where you want to go. The only thing you have to lose is what you have now.

Take care,

Guy
Supportive Success Coaching.

How to Fix a Family Problem

2007-04-22T13:34:00.000-07:00

For much of history we have viewed the family as a unit that helped us
with survival. We depended on each other because there was strength and
security in numbers. Recentdevelopments in society and technology have
allowed us to experience the family differently than we used to. We now
are able to work on making our families as healthy as possible - a
concept that ourancestors never even contemplated.

With this new ability to improve the health of our families comes a great
opportunity to enjoy our family relationships like never before. We
also get to face challenges in new ways. In the past we let conflict
fester and continue throughout our lives. We didn't have the tools to
actually fix things. Now we do and coaching gives families some tools
they can use to increase the happiness in their homes.

Some basic things you can think about when a family problem arises include:

What is the problem really about?
Do you know what each family member thinks about the problem?
Have you all worked together to come up with possible solutions?
Is everyone's voice listened to and given equal weight?
Does everyone know how to listen to other points of view?
Can people deal with conflict without escalating?
Is conflict an opportunity for change in your family?
How are your communication skills?
Do you have a consistent system for resolving problems in the family?
Do you ask for neutral help or advice from uninvolved third parties?

Resolving problems in the family has a lot to do with the skills and experiences
we bring to the table. A lot of us repeat the patterns we saw at home
but we now have the benefit of new strategies to actually resolve
problems rather than perpetuating them. Consider some of the following
ideas for your family:

Develop a conflict resolution strategy.
Develop communication skills.
Develop listening skills.
Work together.

It's amazing how those four basic elements can help families resolve
problems. Most of our families are not set up to fix problems, just
make them go away temporarily. I love working with parents to create
new ways of actually fixing problems in the family. I enjoy helping
people enjoy their families more.

A coach can help you figure out what is going on in your family and help you develop a plan to fix it. You get to decide what you want to do and how you are going to do
it.

Have a great family day,

Guy
I love helping fix family problems.

Communication in Your Family

2007-03-10T11:37:00.000-08:00

Families are interesting entities in that they can be a source both of great strength but also amazing frustration. The people I've worked with have taught me many things about families and I'd like to share a few so that you may find happiness and balance in your family.

1. It's OK to ask for what you need from your family.
2. It's OK to speak up in your family.
3. It's OK to challenge things you don't agree with in your family.
4. It's advisable to talk with family members with the same care and respect you would show to anyone else.
5. We should talk about our family's challenges and do away with secrets.
6. It's OK for families to talk about difficult things and try to find ways to function more effectively.
7. Families can change any time they want.
8. Families often benefit from having an uninvolved, outside person give them a fresh perspective on what's going on and how to fix it.
9. We owe it to ourselves and our families to be as healthy as possible.
10. Why live in misery when we can work toward joy and balance?

Families often get stuck doing things a certain way because they don't know about any other way to do things. It's been my experience that there is always hope for happiness and reconciliation. All it takes is some courage and some work.

Take care,

Guy
www.myrelationshipguy.com

Perspective

2007-03-05T21:43:00.000-08:00

It's amazing how perspective affects almost everything we do. How is it that a family in Bangladesh living in complete poverty can report being happy while a family in an affluent suburb says they are a mess. The answer may lie in perspective.

Perspective is the way we see the world through our own filters. If we filter out the good, then we tend to focus on the things that aren't as positive. If we filter out the negative, we are better able to see the beneficial side of things. A great example of perspective is found in Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol. Tiny Tim doesn't have use of his legs but he does not wallow in self pity, he forges on and actually is a source of strength for the family.

We are faced with important choices throughout our lives. At any moment we can choose the path we wish to take and the perspective we choose. Try this simple exercise sometime. Next time you feel you can't overcome an obstacle consciously tell yourself, "I can handle this," or some other positive affirmation. In this way you will be shifting from a negative to a positive perspective.

It's amazing what can happen when we choose a perspective that gives us the power to move forward rather than the view that keeps us stuck.

Take care,

Guy
www.myrelationshipguy.com

Hope and Expectations

2007-02-15T22:27:00.000-08:00

Over Valentine's Day I talked with many people and I kept hearing a recurring theme about not being loved or not having kindness reciprocated. This is a very common theme in relationships: one person expects one thing only to have their hopes dashed, the other seems oblivious.

The difficulty arises when we hold on to our expectations even when we see repeated evidence that we will never get what we expect. Expectations then become more of a hindrance than help. Some people hang on to expectations perhaps mistakenly thinking they stand for hope.

Hope is really greatly affected by the actions we take. If we move in directions that lead us down the same path no amount of hope can change the course. If, however, we do things differently then we can begin entertaining hope that things will change because we are actually breaking the patterns we've established.

Changing the way we do things is the only way to modify our situation. No amount of hope or expectations can take the place of real communication and work in our relationships. The great news is that we can do things to change the course of our relationships, they just take some courage and movement in a different direction.

Take care,

Guy
www.myrelationshipguy.com

Self Awareness and Dating

2007-02-08T22:53:00.000-08:00

I've noticed that when people ask me for relationship advice a recurring questions is, "Why can't I find anyone." There are many ways people arrive at this conclusion. I'll list them and put a self-awareness twist on each. In this way you can move in a different direction and find out how much power you really have to affect your dating life.

1. I keep going out with bad boys/girls. Different direction: I get myself healthy enough to recognize that it's OK to treat myself well and go out with positive people.

2. I feel lonely. Different direction: I actively work on things that resolve why I am lonely and emphasize learning about myself before dating.

3. Where can I meet people? Different direction: When you get yourself healthy and do the things you love you move in circles where you attract people who are like you.

4. All men/women are terrible. Different direction: There are a lot of great people out there we just need to learn to accept them into our lives and be healthy enough to encourage good people to go out with us.

Hope these ideas help navigate the dating waters. Dating is ultimately what you make it; you have a lot of control over where it goes.

Take care,

Guy
I help people date happily.

Balance and Leadership

2007-02-05T23:15:00.000-08:00

I was talking to a very accomplished executive today who felt overwhelmed by everything going on in his life at work. Upon examination he realized that he had been juggling a great deal of different projects and hadn't taken time to think about the things that once had made him a balanced leader. The daily grind had reduced him to a reactive person he barely recognized. His employees were showing all the signs that they were not happy either.

We become so engrossed in living life at a rapid pace that we forget that we can enjoy things better if we pause occasionally to relax, recharge and reflect. The only caveat is that you have to deliberately carve time out of your day to refocus and recharge. Take some time in your day to not do anything. Look at a sunset, sit by a stream, go walking in the city with no particular goal. Life becomes more enjoyable when we take time to regain our balance. It also has the effect of making our employees happier. Happier employees make us more money.

Balance helps us be better leaders. It helps us relate to others from a position of calm and understanding. It helps us do away with the constant putting out of fires and working in crisis mode. Balanced leaders simply live better lives, create better workplaces and produce better results.

Balance helps us maintain a generally positive course that will help us connect with our employees in ways no amount of directive supervision can. It grounds us and helps us make decisions based on careful forethought. How does one achieve balanced leadership? By working on it starting today.

Take care,

Guy
I help people become balanced leaders.